“You said you wanted to help me achieve my dream.”
“And I will. You won’t be able to hide behind this contest forever, and if you think I’m going to sit back and let you decide about our futures you’re mistaken.”
“So you know how to fix this?”
“One thing I do know is r
unning away isn’t going to help.”
“I’m not running.”
“No, you’re directing. Gotta tell you, I was never one for coloring in the lines.” He places a finger under my chin. “So you can throw up as many road blocks as you want, they won’t work.”
My insides quiver and I’m grateful for the door helping me stay upright. He slices through my defenses like a Katana blade. Leaning in, he brushes his lips against mine. I clench my jaw to keep from responding. His eyes sparkle with the weight of knowledge.
“I think you’re hiding from yourself.” He licks my bottom lip. “The more you resist, the more I have to show you what you really want and need. This is how it’s always been between us. You’ve trusted me so far, don’t stop now.” He places light kisses across my cheek to my ear. “I love you, Xia. I’ve never said that to any other woman.” He pulls back. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll stop.”
My lower lip trembles. The lie gets stuck in my throat.
“Four words. I don’t love you. That’s all it’ll take.”
“I can’t.”
“Tell me.” His eyes burn into mine.
“Damn you.”
“Give me the truth then. Going forward, that’s what exists between us.”
“You want me to say I love you. There. I love you. What does it matter if I’m not sure who I fell in love with truly exists?”
“You’re the only person who has seen this deep inside of me.”
“Shayne.”
“Being down here allowed me to strip down to my base without the club and all their rules and expectations, or family who can’t distinguish me now from me in the past. It was my chance at true freedom. I’ve never been more me than I am now. I understand your hesitance. I kept vital information from you, and I can’t take that back. What I want to do is move forward.” He bends down to eye level and cups my face. “Can we do that?”
“I don’t know.” There it is, the ugly truth I didn’t want to admit to myself. The quiet that encompasses us feels like a frozen moment in time. Out of words, he straightens. The sadness in his eyes makes my chest hurt.
“Fair answer.” He seems deflated. “It’d suit me right after everything I’ve done.” He nods his head, backing away from me as if I’m contagious.
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Shayne?” He ignores me as he turns away and walks down the hallway.
My gut rolls. What have I done?
***
Shayne
“Figured you’d be getting a ton of thank you sex about now,” my brother says.
I plop in the seat beside him at the bar. “She can hardly bear to be around me since I told her everything.”
“About the club?”
“And Dad and how I used to be.”