The fact that he thinks of himself as Jagger with me instead of Freeze makes my belly do flips. I know enough about motorcycle club to understand it’s a huge deal. I’ve read up online. The Kings of Chaos aren’t the Hells’ Angels, but they’re a decent size organization people respect and fear. I know his Nomad label makes him even more dangerous than most. He takes care of problems. It makes me uneasy, but my need for him outweighs any apprehension that rises. Brooks looked like an angel and ended up being the devil incarnate. I won’t judge Jagger or his people by their image. I’ll let their actions speak for themselves. His people. He hasn’t brought me around. There’s no reason to think like this. And yet, I am.
Works perfectly. ~ B
When and where? ~ J
Your choice ~ B
Am I picking you up? ~ J
Everything in me wants to tell him yes. My hand trembles and my body grows warm. I rub my chest. I’m not ready.
Not yet. ~ B
I hold my breath. Is this when he bails on the woman who treats him like she can’t trust him?
I’ll text you the place and time. ~ J
I let out the breath I’d been holding and slump my shoulders. Right or wrong, the man is becoming an important part of my life and my recovery process. I declare myself done with working on operation get back to work for the day. As much as my legal ability to work is intact, I’ve been out of the loop for far too long. Getting back in is going to involve, getting back in touch with my friends in the field, and praying they’ll vouch for me and possibly pull some strings. I don’t mind starting off part time to prove myself.
It’s the peopling involved I’m not ready to face. I shut down my laptop and move to my bedroom for a shower. I strip down, toss my clothes into the hamper in the bathroom, and step under a steamy shower stall. The heated water beads down on my flesh, loosening the tension in my muscles. I close my eyes and zone out as I allow my brain to rest. I’ve always been a thinker. I have to pro and con everything before I decide on a course of action. I used to think it was a blessing, now it’s turned into a curse. Questions I can’t answer circle around in my mind like a cyclone, exhausting me before I’ve even risen from my bed.
I’m a woman who likes to know where she’s headed. The uncertainty in my life is killing me little by little. I know it, and so does Dr. Adams, who keeps pushing me to face the things I can, and begin a tentative plan for what’s next. I grab my At the Beach bath gel and add a healthy dollop to my loofa before I begin to make circles on my skin, swearing this has nothing to do with Jagger or the things I’ve been dreaming of him doing to me.
***
I frown as I pull into the parking lot of a Walmart beside Jagger whose waiting on his bike. The sun shining down on his brown hair is catching the highlights and turning him into a rocker. He’s ruggedly handsome with his facial hair, and jeans, a rock t-shirt and plaid style. He smiles at me and climbs off, and I leave my car.
“I know you’re wondering why I asked you out here, but this is just a starting point. Today, I’m taking you for a ride, B. We won’t be gone for longer than an hour there and back, and I promise you on a day like today we’ll have plenty of company.” He holds out his hands and closes it in a come here manner. “This bike is more than a mode of transportation it’s my home. The first one I ever really had. In order for you to really be in my life, you have to accept her.”
I walk over slowly, taking deep breaths.
“She’s a beautiful girl, leather, a
nd chrome with plenty of power, and comfort.” He holds out his hand. “Give me your hand, B.”
We both ignore the way I tremble as I fulfill his request.
“Good girl. You never have to be afraid of me.” He runs my hand over the supple leather and the warm metal. “If you’re nice to her, she’ll be nice to you. This seat is called a sissy seat. It gives the passenger something to relax against so they can enjoy the ride. I want to show you the beauty of my world. You need a little freedom, and there’s nothing that compares to the way you feel riding with the sun, fresh air, and beautiful scenery. I think you’ll love it as much as I do.”
His words are a seduction. His baritone lulls me into a passive state as he paints an idealistic portrait with his words. “Can I give you that gift, B?”
I want to say yes. My body trembles. He releases my hand, wraps an arm around my waist, and pulls me to him. “Put your trust in me for an hour. Let me show you I’m nothing like the man who harmed you.”
“I- I want that,” I whisper honestly. I want to escape the dark cage I’ve been trapped in for months.
“Then let’s get it for you. Come on. First step is getting onto the bike. There’s a foot peg for you to step onto and climb over. Once you’re behind me. I want you to wrap your arms around my waist and hold on tight. When I lean into the curve and the wind you mimic me. You think you can do that for me, B?”
I swallow around the lump in my throat. “Yes.”
“I know you can.” He reaches into his saddlebag and pulls out a black matte helmet. “Safety first with you. Come on.” He mounts the bike with ease and holds out his hand. I use the peg like he explained and hoist myself up. I sit down behind him and suck in a deep breath. I bow my head and breathe in and out as I fight the dizziness.
“Take your time. We’re not in any hurry.” He’s solid in front of me, and comforting. I open my eyes and raise my head.
“You doing okay?”
“I’m hanging in there.” My voice wavers.
“First time is always the scariest. I’m going to turn her on now. You’ll enjoy that part.”