“Like being in the midst of a game of red light, yellow light, green light. Sometimes, I’m completely content with us and how we’re progressing. Then in an instant, I’m wondering if I was right to give him a second chance. What am I going to do if he grows to resent me? When the loss of his family, his father, who we both know he once lived and died for, can’t compare to whatever I provide him?”
“You can’t think like that. It’s so clear, you’re his world—”
“Wasn’t I before, too?” I ask.
She pauses and sighs heavily. “That was different.”
“Why? We both know Mouth isn’t done, not by a longshot. What if he finds another Achilles heel? Then I’m a fool, and off limits. I wouldn’t be able to stomach myself. I should’ve thought all of this out, but I was so relieved to hear he hadn’t stood me up. When I learned my feelings weren’t misplaced or unreturned, logic left.”
“Come on, Stone told him to squash it. You think he’d risk getting ousted from KOC?”
“Yes. I know he would. If anything, he hates me more now. I soured his son, and turned him against the family. He’s sleeping with the enemy. In his mind, once he removes me, things will go back to normal. Hate like he has isn’t rational.”
“You’d know, Ms. Psychiatrist.”
“Psychologist. I need more years of school under my belt, to be able to prescribe the good stuff.”
She snickers. “Whatever… You know what I meant.”
I grin. I’m proud of my degree. There aren’t many of us who went to college and got legit jobs, and I’m in love with my profession. It’s fascinating to delve into the human mind and all its idiosyncrasies.
“How the hell did you end up as shrink, anyway?” Blue asks.
“Understanding ignorance in all its shapes and shades, really helped me heal and move forward. I think deep down, I thought maybe something was wrong with me.”
Blue’s eyes take on a sad look.
“When you’re young, you don’t get that adults can be wrong. Not really. You tell yourself it’s them not you. But underneath all that angst and rebellion, you fear there’s a flaw inside you, they can see.” I shudder as the memories of depression and self-doubt return. “It fucked me up more than I let on. We hide things, it’s our way, you know? I could never even tell you how deep that shit cut me.”
Blue moves over and wraps an arm around my shoulder. “Is that why yo
u decided to focus on kids?”
“Yes, they need someone who’ll listen to them and look out for them.”
“The way no one did for you?” Blue asks.
I shrug. “Water under the bridge now, for me at least. Seeing Mouth get his ass handed and Stone come down on him was my teenage dreams multiplied. Well…the less gory ones.”
“I knew somewhere inside you lurked a bloodthirsty bitch,” Blue teases.
“Shut up. How else could I be your ride or die?”
Blue smiles. “And you know I got your back for life.”
“I know.” This is what I missed: the camaraderie and support. Club kids stick together. It’s what we’re taught to do from birth. No one can understand my life, like this woman beside me. She’s seen the same things I have, and understood that despite the bad that comes with this life, the good shines through. This was what I needed, a night with my girl to clear my head, and rediscover my spine. I should make him work for it. It’ll prove to us both how much he wants to be with me. After the hell he put me through, intentional or not, I’m entitled to at least that much.
Echo
Leaning against the wall, I watch the card game and work on the beer in my hand. Shadow is playing a game of cards, and I’m scoping the territory. This is my first job in the company of my family since the fight. My father is at the bar with my brother, Shayne, right beside him. Despite the physical distance between us, the tension is damn near unbearable. I’ve been waiting all day for one of them to come at me. Their gazes are laser beams aimed at my back. If looks could kill, I would have been dead weeks ago.
Shayne turns around in his chair and winks at me.
I raise an eyebrow. My gut turns. What’s this shithead up to? I finish my beer.
He stands up and walks up to a long legged, brown-skinned club girl.
My jaw drops.