He snickers. “Ain’t no such thing.” He nods toward my hand. “And that sparkler says something entirely different.”
“Well, he asked me to think about it. I thought it was the least I could do.”
“You ever get tired of being so saintly, Blue?”
His words sting. I glance away, embarrassed and humiliated in front of the one man I want to see me as a capable woman. “Is it so wrong to want to do what’s right? Maybe people would prefer I behave like Calla?” I spit the words out, pissed he’s hassling me.
“Fuck no. You do that, and I’ll kick your ass myself. All I’m trying to say is…there comes a time when you have to go for yourself.”
“And screw everyone else?” I fire back, furious. “What if this ‘doing for myself’ made me uninterested in caring for your kid? Where would you be then? I got the paperwork I needed. I’ll take my leave.” I push my seat back.
“Sit. That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” he says.
His voice is steady and calm, but I hear the steel in it. I pause.
“Look at me, Blue.”
I do as he asks because I don’t want to make a scene.
“You’ve always put others before yourself, no matter the cost. We ain’t getting no younger.”
Easy to say when you’re the man. Men run everything in the outlaw motorcycle world. They get all the respect, power, and support. It differs from club to club. Some only see women as property to be controlled and pimped out for a price. Kings aren’t like that. They protect their women, but they make sure they know their place. We stay out of club business, partially for protection. The less we know, the safer we are. But there was no way to sugarcoat the dominant role they play. I want to spray the truth at him like venom, but I know better. You don’t disrespect a brother. Especially not in a public place. It would make the Kings look weak. “Easier said than done. Isn’t that the way it always goes?”
“Only if you let it be that way,” Shadow replies.
I refrain from saying something that’ll set him off. People handle doing time in a number of ways. Shadow chooses to go the Zen route. It’s admirable, but right now it’s the last thing I need. Bolt is sullen and moody. The house feels unfamiliar, and I’m still re-adjusting to life under the Kings of Chaos microscope. Calla lived for them. Her home is less than ten minutes from the club, and just two streets over from Dad’s. The boys frequently come through to check up on us, and I’m drowning in the life I haven’t lived since my teen years.
“We both know this is a man’s world, Shadow.”
“Only if you have the wrong man,” he says.
“You know I’m not with a King. Civilians don’t get it.”
“And that’s why you might want to rethink your options,” Shadow surmises.
“You going to give me the Chaos conversation?” I quirk a brow up.
He smirks. “Nope.”
I roll my eyes.
He chuckles. “How’s Bolt dealing with things?” he asks, shifting the conversation.
I take the out and latch onto it like a starving leech. “He has short periods where he seems okay and well-adjusted. Most of the time, he’s lashing out in different ways. It’s an ever shifting environment of moods. I understand why. Doesn’t make it less challenging, though. I’m trying set realistic boundaries. He needs that.”
It’s a harsh truth, but it’s nothing Shadow doesn’t already know. When he was out, he made sure to keep Bolt in line and on the right track. Without his guidance, it’s been a rocky three years. “Can’t blame him. He hasn’t had stability with me in here. I could wring her neck for this.” His jaw clenches.
I want to know what he saw in her. She wasn’t his type. Her reputation as a party girl was established long before they started messing around. It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask.
“Time’s about up,” the guard says.
“Come back and see me in a few weeks. Keep me posted on my son. I’ll call to the house every couple of days. The boys will take care of the bill.”
I nod, and we say our good-byes. I’m being shuffled in a deck of cards. The game is already in mid-play, so there’s no stopping now.
Chapter Two
Despite all my Rage