Chapter One
My Sister’s Keeper
Blue
I slump down in the bucket seat of my black Charger, delivering a mental pep talk as I gather my courage. It’s past time I tell Jamie I think we need a break. We’ve been doing the exclusive dating thing for over a year, and week by week I’m dying a little bit more inside. The man is everything I said I wanted. The total package most women pray for.
Jamie Rolf Stevenson is dependable, mature, successful, and attractive. Hell, he’s even taller than me. At five foot eleven inches, that isn’t always the easiest requirement to fulfill. With his light brown hair cut close to his head, an easy smile, and large, dark blue eyes, he’s a major catch.
I understand this. So why am I thinking of stepping back? Why do I feel completely suffocated?
When we get intimate, it’s like the air is being sucked from my lungs as I force myself to make the proper sounds and whisper the right words of encouragement. My stomach rolls and I know I’m at the end of the line. I can’t push this back any longer.
No matter how much I try to deny it, the truth is there, staring me in the face. Mr. Perfect doesn’t do it for me. No amount of getting to know him better or focusing on his best qualities will change the fact that he doesn’t get me wet. Achieving an orgasm with him is akin to running a marathon: long, arduous, and completely exhausting. I can stand being intimate with him, but there’s no passion, at least not on my end. Sex aside, the organ that beats within my chest remains traitorous. I love him as a friend, nothing more. Shame rolls through me. I’m still not over my little girl dreams.
I hate to prove that bitch right. I sneer as I think of the mocking jeers from my sister, Calla, when she first met Jamie.
“There’s no way that prep gets you wet and makes you feel like a woman. You come from Psycho Strong, the same as me. It takes one hell of a man to measure up to our daddy.”
I told her off at the time. Guess I’ll be eating crow now. Treat it like a band aid and rip it off. Properly psyched, I put on my big girl panties, exit the car, and make the short walk up the stone path cutting through his immaculate yard. I climb the three steps to the front porch and knock.
The door opens to reveal Jamie, aglow with joy. His blue eyes sparkle and his grin is downright blinding in the fading sunlight.
“Did I miss something?” I ask.
“Today is a special day,” he says.
I mentally run through my calendar. It’s not an anniversary, his birthday, or a holiday. I frown. “You want to fill me in?” I ask, forcing a smile. The hairs on the back of my neck and arms stand on end. The clues are telling me this is about to get awkward as hell.
“You’ll see.” He takes my hand and guides me inside.
I blink, adjusting to the dim lighting. A trail of rose petals leads away from the door and disappears into the kitchen. My gut clenches. I turn to him and realize he’s wearing a suit. “Jami—”
“No, relax. It’s my turn to take care of you.”
“I don’t want you to take care of me,” I say, quickly back stepping. I have a sinking suspicion what he has planned, and I want no part of it.
Jamie frowns. “Why is it so hard for you to accept affection from me?”
“That’s not true. You’re one of the best huggers I’ve ever met. I tell you that all the time.”
“Yes, it is true. That’s small. I’m talking big picture. If I buy you anything, it’s too much. If I treat you to nice things, you get uncomfortable. Like I’ll hold it against you later. I get that you come from a rough background—”
“Can we just not do this?” I ask, instantly put on edge.
The Kings of Chaos have always been a bone of contention between us. He doesn’t understand the lifestyle or the reality I live in. People think it’s like the shit they see on the television, or a choice. One you’re born into, and short of leaving everything you know behind
to go somewhere no one knows you, it’s a label that sticks for life. I happen to be proud of that. You never have to walk through life alone. How many people can say that? Not many. Sure, it has its downsides. What in life doesn’t?
“Are you telling me I’m wrong?” Jamie asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
The defensive position and the challenging tone rub me the wrong way. I didn’t come here to fight.
He huffs.
My lip curls up involuntarily. Bitch. There lies the core of my issue. I need a man. A masculine man who could take care of business when necessary and make me feel secure and feminine. Jamie doesn’t do that. He can’t. His cookie cutter life hadn’t taught him the lessons mine had. It’s what makes us incompatible romantically. “You’re talking about something you know nothing about.”
“I know plenty.” His eyes flash with an anger I’ve rarely seen.
I take a step back, unsure what he’s going to do next.
“I love you, Blue. I want to marry you.” He drops onto one knee in front of me.
All I hear is white noise and the blood rushing in my ears. My vision fades. I sway and catch myself.
Grabbing my limp hand, he brings it to his chest. “You had to know this would happen soon.”
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. My throat closes. I’m choking on all the things I failed to say when I had the chance. My pocket vibrates. “Hail to the Chief” blares from my speaker. “I-I have to take this, it’s my dad. He never calls.”
And I’ve never been so happy to hear from him.
I all but run to the front door, stepping outside and answering, “Hey, Dad, what’s going on?”
“Blue, I need you to come home.” His voice is low and sad, the way it always is when he has something completely fucked up to tell me.
“What happened?” I whisper.
“I’d rather talk to you in person.”
My stomach drops. “I’ll be there in twenty.”