“No.” She choked in answer to his first question, then, “Yes. But I can’t tell you.”
“Why?”
“Haven’t I already done enough to you?” she said fiercely. “Everything you did to save me, with Dad.” She took a shuddering breath, remembering that awful night her father had nearly killed her in a drunken rage. “It wasn’t enough that I forced you to protect me, and made you go through those horrible months of the trial. Then I finally drove you away from England with all my whinging and complaining.”
“You weren’t whinging.” His deep voice was gentle. “You were going through a hard time. You felt scarred and isolated and alone. I never blamed you for that, Belle. Never.”
She looked up at the busy gas station nearby. The colors of the cars blurred. “But you left!” she cried. “The next morning you were gone. You didn’t come back for twenty years!”
She heard his deep intake of breath.
“All this time, you’ve thought it was your fault?” he said. “You came into the study seeking comfort. I was drinking and nearly. I could see myself turning into …” He choked back his words. “You all were better off without me.”
“But can you forgive me?” she whispered. “For ruining your life?”
“You never ruined my life,” he said in a harsh voice. “I left because it was the only way to protect you—all of you.”
“Protect us—from what?”
He paused. “From me.”
Something about his dark, bleak tone reminded her of another man’s voice.
What do you want from me, Annabelle? Should I give you a list of pretty promises to keep you here with me? I’m telling you the truth! Should I lie and tell you I love you, when I don’t even know what I feel right now?
“Oh, my God,” she breathed aloud.
“Belle? What is it?”
Stefano hadn’t taken her home away from her.
She’d done it to herself. Her fear and lack of faith had demanded a promise for him that he wasn’t ready to give. She’d accused him constantly of being a faithless playboy, but the truth was that, for Stefano, a commitment was a sacred thing. He hadn’t wanted her to go. But he’d accepted her decision, rather than lie to her.
She’d been so afraid he would someday hurt her, but she’d beaten him to the punch. She’d deserted the only man she’d ever loved. All because she was afraid.
Pain is how you know you’re alive, he’d once said to her. If you are too afraid to feel pain, you’ll never know joy.
Closing her eyes, Annabelle took a shuddering breath. Her life had been so full of pain already. It was a cold, cruel world. She’d learned the only way to be safe was to be alone.
But what if … that wasn’t true?
What if playing it safe just was playing dead?
Memories came through her like the burst of dawn. The sound of Stefano’s joyful laugh. The depth of his black eyes. The way he’d held her so tight against his naked body in the tender, sacred night. He made her feel safe. He made her feel loved.
I care for you, Annabelle. More than I’ve ever cared for anyone.
He’d wanted her to stay. She was the one who’d run away.
For too long, she’d lived in fear. But from now on, she would be brave enough to become the woman she was born to be.
Annabelle gripped her mobile phone. “I have to go.”
“What? Why?”
“Bless you, Jacob,” she whispered. “I love you. Talk to you more soon.”
Her hands shook as she started the engine of her truck. Backing it out of the parking lot, she got back on the motorway—headed not north toward Calais, but back toward the Spanish border. Back home. Back to Stefano.