She looked around the kitchen, from the elegant hardwood floor to the old paintings on the high ceilings above, flickering in the firelight of the eighteenth-century brick fireplace.
“You do live well,” she said ruefully. She rubbed the back of her head, and her dark hair seemed to cascade down her shoulders like chestnut silk. She looked up at him. “But the only rich family is one that is filled with love.”
A low ache settled at the base of his throat. “That sounds nice.” Turning away, he picked up his glass of wine from the counter. “Whatever love my parents once had for each other was long gone by the time I was eight. They often forgot me for days on end when they fought—or else they tried to use me as a weapon against each other. It was a relief when they finally divorced.”
“I’m so sorry,” Carrie said.
But he didn’t want her pity. “For the sake of love,” he said acidly, “my father left my mother to date girls half his age. For the sake of love, my mother has married four times and had children by three different men.”
Carrie shook her head. “No wonder you want a loveless marriage,” she whispered. “You have no idea what true love even is.”
He stiffened. “I know what it is. Illusion. Infatuation. People think marriage will make those feelings last. But it’s tricky magic. The harder you try to hold on to it, the quicker it will end. Love always ends. And it usually ends badly.”
“But—”
“Did you know that in many Asian cultures white is the color of grieving? The color worn to a funeral?” he interrupted. “A wedding is celebrated as the beginning of love.” He looked away. “In truth, it is the end.”
“So why did you ask me to marry you, then?” Her voice sounded sodden. “If you think marriage is so awful?”
He looked at her sharply. “I’m not against marriage.”
“But you just said—”
“I’m against marrying for the sake of romantic delusion,” he said. “Marriage
can be the foundation of a solid home, when done right. It’s a friendship. A partnership. The start of a family.”
“Without love?”
He shrugged. “Without heartbreak.”
For a long moment silence fell across the shadowy kitchen. Carrie raised her chin.
“Let me tell you about the kind of marriage that I believe in. A partnership—yes. But not based on mutual goals, as if we were entering into some kind of business arrangement.”
“But that’s exactly what a good marriage is. A business. Complete with a leadership board and a financial strategy and five-year goals. The company’s mission is raising children, ensuring the good of the household and the continuance of the family’s existence.”
She stared at him incredulously. “But the basis has to be love, or what’s the point?”
He looked at her. “Did loving me make you happy?”
Her mouth had been open to speak. She snapped it shut.
“Romantic infatuation brings ruin,” he said quietly. “You of all people should know that. Do it my way, Carrie. Just marry me now, without the delusion of romance, and all your grief and stress will melt away. And Henry will always be safe and happy, loved by both of his parents.”
She stared at him with an intake of breath, and for an instant he thought she would agree. Then she stood up quickly, swaying on her feet. Her cheeks were red, her hands balled into fists.
“I will never accept your devil’s bargain.”
Disappointment filled him, crashing down his hopes. He rose to his feet, looking down at her in the dying firelight. “I’m not going to allow my child to be raised by another man, Carrie. Accept this.”
“But you still don’t know if Henry is even—”
“One of us is going to win this argument.” His dark eyes ripped through hers as he leaned forward. “And one of us,” he whispered, “is going to lose.”
CHAPTER FIVE
CARRIE awoke to the sound of her baby crying. The light of dawn flooded the room as she covered her face with a pillow, yearning for one more moment of sleep.