Yet deep down, as the heat of rage was finally ceasing to sear, he was beginning to try to understand her motivations.
‘Was it because of your kidney transplant?’
‘Sorry?’ He saw her head turn to him in his peripheral vision as the engine roared into life.
‘Was your kidney transplant the reason you didn’t tell me when you first discovered you were pregnant? Did you think I’d insist you put your health first? That you should have a termination?’
A beat of silence.
‘Wouldn’t you have?’ she challenged unsteadily.
Another beat of silence whilst he thought.
‘I would have recommended it. Carrying a baby to term for a healthy woman is stressful enough on her body, but, given your kidney disease, it makes sense medically,’ he acknowledged. ‘But I would never have insisted. Ultimately, that had to be your decision. And I would have preferred to have supported you through the pregnancy.’
He heard her intake of breath.
‘You were in Gaza and out of reach.’
‘You could have got hold of me if you’d wanted. You knew who I was working with. You’d have had only to contact their head office and they could have got a message to me.’
‘I can’t imagine you’d have appreciated that call in the middle of your mission out there.’
Max frowned. Where did she get this unfavourable image of him from?
‘You don’t know me at all, do you? I’d rather have known. Just like you, I’d rather have had the option to make decisions for myself. To cut the tour short and come home if I saw fit to do so.’
‘I never thought of that.’ The words were so quiet, said more to herself to him, that Max almost missed them.
He still had no idea how the baby...Imogen...was going to fit into his life, but he knew that he needed to buy himself some time whilst he figured it out. Evie certainly thought it was a temporary arrangement, and, whilst he agreed with her on that score, he knew it was going to be a couple of months—rather than a couple of weeks—before she would be recovered enough to think about living on her own again. But by then he should have had time to work out a long-term solution, because she was seriously mistaken if she thought he didn’t want some kind of relationship with his daughter from here on out. He just had no idea how they were going to achieve it.
‘There are very few things you need to know about me, Evie,’ he told her firmly. ‘I like things straightforward and honest, but I can’t abide people making choices which impact heavily on me, without involving me in the decision-making process. Without even consulting me first.’
He’d had enough of that through his childhood to last him a lifetime. Not that Evie needed to know any of that. The contradiction wasn’t lost on him.
‘Consulting you...?’ she echoed slowly.
‘I won’t accept it, Evangeline,’ he stated grimly, struggling to shut out the ruthless memories. ‘Do you understand?’
‘But, Max—’
‘There are no ifs or buts, Evie,’ he spat out, more at himself.
At his own weakness that even after all this time it should still affect him the way that it did. How had this situation with Evie raked up so much hurt that he’d convinced himself he’d long since buried? Shifting in his seat, Max strived to recover his famed dispassion and composure, but it seemed to have deserted him as he opened his mouth again.
‘That’s the one thing I absolutely won’t tolerate.’
* * *
She hadn’t thought her heart could beat any faster or harder in her chest, every word like a nail in the coffin of her integrity.
How could she possibly tell him about the cheque and his parents now? Decisions that had been made with the express purpose of keeping Max in the dark? Believing she was doing the best thing she could for her daughter.
Evie pressed her shoulders into the plush leather seat back and drew deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth. One minute went by. Then five. Then ten. The nausea subsided a fraction, nothing more.
If she didn’t tell him it would only make it harder to do so later. But—after what he’d just said—what if he turned around and sent her and Imogen back home straight away? She might not have shown Max her gratitude at taking her in, but she was indebted to him for the opportunity to allow Annie and her family some space to recover, as well as allowing herself to stay within easy reach of Silvertrees for the first few weeks after the transplant.
Worse still. What if she told him the truth and he tried to take Imogen away from her? She didn’t think that was the kind of man Max was, but how could she be sure? Between her actions in taking the bribe, and her precarious health, could a judge decide that her daughter was better off with Max than with herself? Out of the two of them, she was the one who would appear to have acted unscrupulously. How had that happened?