‘Don’t forget I have sisters,’ he offered at last. ‘Both of whom were teenagers in every sense of the word. I remember what it was like.’
‘But it’s more than that, isn’t it?’ she asked softly. ‘You don’t just remember things in the abstract, the way an older brother might recall. You understand. The way a parent who has really been through it might.’
Something dark and cutting and raw scraped within his chest, making even breathing become difficult. ‘I have never been a parent. And I never intend to
be one.’
‘Which is what makes it all the more curious,’ Effie whispered. ‘The way you knew what to say that night. The way you couldn’t stop yourself from checking that we were okay. The way you’ve taken charge of us now and brought us to your home.’
‘It’s simply looking out for a colleague.’
Any other person might have heeded the warning note in his voice. But not Effie. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘Perhaps you want to think carefully about antagonising the person who has provided a roof over your head.’
It was a jagged threat couched in the silkiest of tones. He hated himself for playing the game.
But instead of acknowledging the danger and stepping back Effie stepped closer. Metaphorically and physically. Her voice slid under his skin.
‘Or you’ll do what? Throw me out on my ear? I don’t think so; your sense of responsibility wouldn’t allow it.’
How was it that he could barely breathe? His lungs were too constricted?
‘You’d be foolish to mistake my professional attitude for my personal one. Where my job is concerned I take my responsibilities exceedingly seriously. But you must know that where my private life is concerned I dodge responsibility at every turn.’
‘The trouble is I don’t believe that.’
‘I can’t make you.’
He made himself lift his shoulders. In all his life no one aside from his siblings had ever made him want to reveal his true self before. No woman had ever got to him like this. What was it that made Effie so different? Like a law unto herself.
He could see something was whirling inside her, even if he couldn’t be sure what that something was.
‘Do you ever slow down?’ he asked abruptly.
‘Not if I can help it.’
It was possibly the most honest answer she could have given him.
‘Why not?’
Effie bit her lip and Tak perched on a tall bar stool, prepared to wait it out.
‘Why not, Effie?’
‘Because if I slow down then I give myself a chance to stop, to think. And there’s a part of me which doesn’t want to do that.’
‘Because then you’ll end up thinking about where you are in your life and wondering if you’d made different choices where you might have been?’
‘It drives me insane,’ she frowned.
‘It’s allowed to.
‘Not when it sometimes throws up more questions than answers. It ends up confusing everything.’
‘It doesn’t have to.’
‘I suppose,’ Effie conceded after a moment. ‘But I wish it wasn’t like that.’