I chuckle, moving closer to the cell. “What makes you think” —I tap the tip of her nose with my index finger—“that I’m the one who caught you?”
“It doesn’t matter to him, Lilith.” She smiles at me now, and it’s real. “He’ll kill you anyway.”
“So sure, little puppet.”
Cartier chuckles. “I am his prized possession, Lilith. You are fucking dead.”
I stand, dusting off my robe. “Well, then I better make the most of what hours I have left.”
Cartier raises her brows at me. “You have roughly one hour before this ship sinks.”
“I only need half of that.” I leave, purposely not looking out that very window from all those years ago. Once I reach my level, I slip into the elevator and push the top level, where I know Kij is.
A woman’s voice comes through the speaker. “Please state your name.”
I tilt forward until my lips are an inch away from the mouthpiece. “Lilith fucking Patience.”
She goes silent. “Proceeding.”
“Better, bitch.” I crack my head and shoulders and watch as the numbers gain speed. Higher and higher. The loud beep flashes me back to an old memory…
The doors separated and I knew then I wanted to die. No, actually, I had figured I wanted to die while clinging to the slippery metal hinges on the side of the wall, hoping someone would save me. Ironic, really, that the very thing I was clinging to was the very thing I didn’t want anymore. Hours. I clung for hours, watching the water crash against my feet while wondering just what could lurk beneath the rogue waves. Couldn’t be anything worse than what I’d met. I didn’t care anymore. Bear found me and got help, but by that point I didn’t want it. They had to send someone down to grab me and haul me to the bottom floor. And now we’re here. For the first time ever, I was going into Kij’s home at the very top of the tower, only just beneath the roof level. There was a little office to the side, I think, but I kept my eyes in front of myself. Dead. Emotionless. What did it mean to feel happy? Sad? Scared? I couldn’t remember, but I knew that I once knew…
“Ah, bring her through…” Kij opened his office doors wide, and the two men who were walking me shoved me inside.
I watched the blank wall in front of me, unwilling to move my attention from it. I hated the color white. It didn’t hold anything in it. I hated that it signified purity or a clean slate.
The door closed from behind me. Yet I still didn’t move. I didn’t know if they were still here until I heard my father’s voice.
“Little Doll, why are you causing so many problems?”
I didn’t move. I didn’t so much as breathe. I think he leaned in front of me. A tear slipped from my eye, but it wasn’t from sadness. It was because among all of the numbness and death that filled me, I forgot to blink. My eyeballs dried until I thought the pain would for sure kill me.
“Little Doll,” Kosta said. “Blink.”
I did. On cue.
“Very good.” I kept my eyes on the wall. Tick. Tock. A clock sounded in the background, but I couldn’t tell you what it said. My hair had long since dried into unruly knots, hanging like a curtain around my face. My clothes had dried and set on my skin, and the potent scent of saltwater clung to the hairs in my nose like a line of cocaine. I didn’t feel anything after that. Not the tenderness of his fingers moving up the inside of my thigh, not when his fingers stretched the opening of my vagina, and definitely not when a candle was lit. “This is your final test, and then you will have earned your Dollhouse.”
Okay, I thought to myself, though I hadn’t swallowed the entire time I had been sitting on this chair. My throat was far too dry to get anything through.
Kij handed him a silver tool.
Kosta stood. “Bend over the desk, Little Doll. Remove your clothes.” I stood to my feet and removed my clothing slowly, all while keeping my eyes on that glorious white wall. I leaned over the desk, but not before looking over my shoulder briefly to catch him lighting the silver wand over the flame of the candle.
I felt nothing.
Not fear.
Not pleasure.
Not pain.
Not even when he inserted it inside of me and my walls burned to a crisp.
Not even then.
I did it. I had passed the final test.
I was a Doll, but I wasn’t made of plastic. I was constructed of the names of all those who’d wronged me. I just didn’t know it yet…
The young girl behind the desk quickly pushes her chair behind herself as she stands. “Lilith, Kij wasn’t expecting you—”