Whether she finds out next week or next year, I can't, I won't live in the shadows.
Sheree shoots me a pleading look as I get out of the car, silently begging me not to lose my cool or to say anything about the two of us just yet.
I only nod my head and usher her inside first, holding the door open for her, hearing Zoe on the phone in the kitchen.
She talks quietly and makes an excuse to hang up once I join her with Sheree in the kitchen, reminding myself this is my house still.
I pay the rent and bills and paid for everything in it too.
“I see you magically found Sheree,” Zoe says icily, not even looking at her best friend.
Her eyes narrow onto mine, making my chest ache.
It’s not like Zoe at all to be cruel, and her voice, her whole body is shooting daggers.
She’s not acting either.
She knows.
Of course, she knows. How could we keep something so obvious from her? From ourselves for so long either?
“Zoe?” Sheree whispers like she’s trying to break the spell that’s come over her best friend.
But Zoe ignores her still, choosing to focus on me. Scanning my body from head to toe as if I’ve got every thought and deed regarding her best friend tattooed onto my skin, printed on my clothes.
“Sheree just finished packing all her things, I picked her up on the way,” I lie, looking away and down to my left.
A tell if ever there was one and Zoe knows it.
She clicks her tongue before standing in front of both of us, her hands on her hips.
“I’m going to New York, dad,” she asserts, raising her voice a little.
I sit down at the table, putting my hands out flat in front of me, Sheree stays where she is, blocking the doorway.
No way out, I can feel it.
“Zoe,” I start. But I find myself looking over to Sheree instead.
Zoe’s eyes follow mine as we both realize something at the same moment.
My jacket.
Sheree’s still wearing my jacket. She kept it on over her clothes once she got dressed.
I stifle a groan, but Zoe only snorts with an air of contempt.
“I can’t go to New York, but you can fuck my best friend?!” she says, her voice cracking, the tears starting to swell in her eyes.
I feel like I’ve been knifed.
My heart, my whole chest aches while my stomach feels like I’m about to be sick.
Well. I guess she does know. No doubt about it.
Even though I would have put it a little milder than that, given the chance.
“Zoe?” Sheree says again, taking a step forward, reaching out for her friend’s arm, but Zoe flings her hand away.
“Don’t touch me,” she shrieks, shaking her head. Her whole body trembling now. “How… How could you, Sheree?” is all she finally says after a long and painful silence.
“I wanted to tell you...” Sheree starts, but I take over for her.
I need to own this, I can’t let Zoe think it’s all on Sheree.
“Zoe. I guess you know now, so there’s no point trying to keep it from you,” I tell her, standing.
My hands hold me up as I lean against the table, feeling like I’m giving a lecture.
The only way I know how to talk about anything serious.
“I love you, Zoe. I do, and I never wanted to hurt you. Neither of us did,” I tell her with conviction.
Zoe’s face softens, just a little but she keeps her defensive stance.
Her ‘I’m listening’ face gradually appears, replacing her scowl.
“When I saw Sheree walk into my class four years again, I saw a young woman. Not the girl you’d grown up with and had over a million times. It was like she was a different person. All grown up…”
I fight the urge to look at Sheree, keeping my focus on Zoe, who looks unimpressed so far.
But it’s Sheree who pipes in. “Zoe. I’ve been in love with your dad since before college. I just didn’t know what those feelings were… Yes. When I walked into his class that first day, I felt like I’d met the man of my dreams.”
Zoe rolls her eyes, shaking her head before she holds a hand up.
“Ugh! You can spare the gruesome details, Sheree,” She spits, turning her tear soaked eyes back to me.
“I’m not stupid, dad. I know. I’ve got eyes… I’ve got a brain. Did you really think you’re the only two on earth who felt the attraction between you too? I’ve even had time to kind of accept it...”
I feel surprised. Shocked, and a little embarrassed.
“Nobody said you were stupid, Zoe,” I murmur, knowing that she’s always felt different wanting to pursue the arts rather than science.
“Then stop treating me like I’m stupid,” she shouts, lifting her hands into the air, laughing sarcastically at herself as she turns to Sheree.