He could see Adalasia was trying hard to process what he was telling her. “I’m a little confused. I thought turning vampire was a choice.”
“When one loses one’s lifemate, the other goes into what is known as a ‘thrall.’ Everything is taken from you at once. In that moment, you have to make that split-second decision to follow her. The demon in me is strong. Without the anchor of the two of us building our lives together over a great deal of time, I do not know what could happen. I told you, from the beginning, I worried I was long past my time.”
He made the admission, looking her in the eyes, wanting her to believe him, that his soul could be damned for all eternity after all the centuries of his living with honor just by her decision. She was human, and she didn’t understand their world or the terrible price the males would pay. The deaths she could cause. The horror he could wreak on the world.
Sandu stood calmly, watching her try to process what he’d told her. Her gaze moved over him a little moodily.
“Why didn’t you tell me this from the beginning?”
“I wanted you to have time to get to know me, but we seemed to be thrown into the deep end, moving too fast on a path neither of us quite understands. I do know we have to strengthen our bond before we can go any further.”
“You took matters into your own hands, on purpose,” she declared.
He steepled his fingers and rested his chin on them, watching her as he nodded. “I did. I knew we didn’t have time to argue. Whoever your enemies were and the vampires we would run into were all too real. They were dangerous, and that meant you had to be protected. Our union had to be protected. I had to bring you as close to my world as possible so in the event of you being mortally wounded, or it was necessary for your safety, or you agreed to join with me because you chose me, I could bring you into my world fast.”
He didn’t feel remorse, so there was none in his voice. Or in his mind. He knew she touched him there, searched for it.
“Okay, just for the moment, let’s assume I go along with joining your world, Sandu. How does it work?”
“It takes three blood exchanges. You have had two. On the third one, your body will rid itself of all toxins, essentially ‘die’ as a human and reshape all organs to become Carpathian.”
“I’ve had two blood exchanges with you,” she repeated softly, her gaze steady.
Again, he nodded. “It’s there, in your mind. You gave me your blood willingly. You took mine with a partial knowledge. I distanced the experience for you to make it easier, as humans have difficulty overcoming the idea of the exchange of blood.”
Adalasia took a deep breath. He was in her mind, and she didn’t look into her memories. She was saving that experience for another time.
“You’re a very ruthless man, Sandu. You take what you want.”
He shook his head. “I do what I know to be right. I’ll always do what I know to be right for you. To protect you. Your health and safety will come first before all other things. We are surrounded by danger. I can feel it. I do not know what it is, and that makes me even more apprehensive for you.”
He felt her then moving through his mind, a gentle touch but still firm. Adalasia was no fool. She wasn’t someone to be deceived with pretty words. She sought the truth of his character. He had wanted her safe. He was determined that whatever enemy she hid from him—and he knew she was hiding something huge—he was going to protect her.
“If I had told you everything, would you have still insisted on two blood exchanges without talking to me first?”
“Ewal emninumam, I have no way of knowing what I would have done under those circumstances. I only know that I searched centuries for you. Lifetimes. I held on to my honor, but only barely. When I found you, the miracle was barely to be believed. Even now, looking at you, I can hardly conceive of the truth of it. Do you think I would take the chance of losing you? The slightest chance? I would not. I cannot.”
She looked down at her hands, but he was in her mind, and where nothing else seemed to get to her, those words did. He had given her his truth all along, but only this last admission seemed to touch her.
“I began training to fight demons from the time I was a toddler. I didn’t attend schools with other children. The stories my mother read to me were from a book handed down from mother to daughter. My father never saw the book. Like the tarot cards, the book doesn’t disintegrate with time. That was how I first came to know about the parasites, the ones I saw when you pushed them from your blood.”