But what else am I supposed to do?
I never should’ve told Sadie the effect Ryker’s picture had on me.
As I pick up a slice of toast and take a large bite, I cringe at the memory, at how I gushed over his gleaming hair, that subtle twist to his lips.
“It’s like he’s looking right at me,” I told her, my words coming out in a rush before I could stop them. “I know that sounds crazy, but it’s really how I feel, sis. Like he’s staring at me, into me. Like he wants to know all my secret desires.”
I quickly stopped myself once all the madness was out there, but that was enough for Sadie, who started clapping her hands together and saying I’d found my forever man.
Since then I’ve tried to make light of it any time she brings it up, saying I was just joking with her.
I didn’t really go crazy over a picture.
But she can read me better than anybody. She knows I’m lying.
What she doesn’t know is that I’ve been on an internet-research binge since then, looking up every photo of Ryker Ridge I can find, from his early days with deep black hair and a young face, to the mature god he is now, with his iron streaked hair and his intense eyes that scream experience.
But again, he would never, ever want me.
He’s helped A-list stars hone their bodies for the biggest movies imaginable. He’s built like he’s carved out of stone. He’s got a haunting tempting expression that could make any woman melt.
And he has the options, so many options.
“Maybe I won’t go.”
“What, why?” Sadie asks, a little sharpness in her voice.
Because he won’t want me and it will only make me feel like dirt. Even if that makes no sense. Because of course, he won’t want me.
“He has a business to run.” I plaster a phony smile on my face, even if I know Sadie can see right through it. “I don’t want him losing control and becoming obsessed with me. No, I think I’ll email them and ask them to find someone else.”
Sadie tilts her head. “Please don’t do that.”
I flinch at the seriousness of her words. But that’s classic Sadie, always cutting through my crap.
“Why?” I ask, with a little sharpness of my own.
“Because I know you want to go. I know you’ll regret it if you don’t.”
I nod, and we go on eating our breakfast. There aren’t any words required here. We both know what she’s saying is true.
I can’t explain it, can’t even try to formulate a reason why, but ever since I laid eyes on his picture it’s like something’s changed inside of me. I can’t stop thinking about those powerful hands sliding over my body, my curves, liking what he finds.
I can’t stop imagining his warm breath whispering over my skin, his confident touch squeezing down on my thighs.
I’ve touched myself over eight times in the week since I submitted my entry to the raffle. I know the exact number because I’ve promised myself, every time, that this will be the last time. I’ve promised myself I won’t let my mind go to crazy places.
And yet I won. I’ve got the chance to meet him, to make my dream come true.
No, no, no.
That’s not right.
He won’t grab me and kiss me.
He won’t grind that rock solid body against mine.
He won’t snarl as he sinks his hands into my body, squeezing possessively like he never wants to let go.
“At the very least, it’ll be a fun experience,” Sadie says, dropping her spoon into her bowl with a metallic clank. “And then you can come back and tell me all about it. I’ll write a bestselling book about it. You can paint the cover. We both retire as millionaires before we’re twenty-five. Easy.”
I giggle, meeting her eyes for a moment.
“Yeah, sure. Sounds like a plan.”
We smile, but I’m still not sure if I’ve got it in me to go, to face the man whose image has been burned into my mind since the moment I laid eyes on it. Last night I woke up certain he was holding me close to his solid chest, certain his hands were pressing me against him, that it was his voice in my ear, whispering, soothing.
“You don’t have to worry about anything, ever. Because I’m here now. I’m here now and everything’s going to be okay.”
What a stupid fantasy.
Chapter Three
Ryker
After a long day spent flitting between gyms in the city, making sure they’re all running smoothly – I sit on my balcony, looking toward the horizon. The sun is setting after showing its face for a couple of hours, the shadows already hazy, the stars and the moon pushing through the sky.
All day my mind has returned over and over to Rosie, to the way the corners of her lips are slightly turned downward in her photo, despite the way she’s smiling, as though she’s eager for me to believe in the smile.