“Nice to meet you. I’m Ian Holder, HR Manager.” Sascha took her hand in mine and gave a no-nonsense firm handshake. My mind started to wander once more to what else her hands could do, but I came back to earth once I noticed her cute, confused expression.
“Nice to meet you, too. I’m Sascha Day,” she started, but before she could continue, I decided to explain the situation. Our hands parted.
“You must be confused by my Russian.” Sascha’s confusion turned to surprise, and then she burst into laughter. Soon, her shoulders softened.
“I’m more confused about why you’re meeting me, instead of the receptionist.”
“Oh, my apologies, Sascha.” I pretended to sound hurt, “If you want me to get the receptionist, I’ll let her introduce you to me instead. Why don’t we start over? You can exit the building and come back in.” To my surprise, Sascha laughed. Her laughter was almost musical. “Or, you could sit at the reception desk and greet me. You could be my own assistant.” I winked playfully, but Sascha seemed to be done with pleasantries.
“I would, but I’m here to interview for the junior editors’ position,” she replied.
“Yes, I’m aware of that. I’m also aware of your long list of impressive references, as well as your top marks. You would be a fantastic editor; any company would kill you have you.” Sascha seemed ecstatic. “Unfortunately, there is no space for an editor at this time.”
At that moment, Sascha’s face fell. “Is this another joke?”
“Not a joke, prekrasnyy. We’re sorry to disappoint you, but it’s true. However, we have an opening for an executive assistant.” I walked over to the desk and leaned against it. “I’ll interview you right here, right now. If I like you, you have the job.”
Sascha’s eyes went wide. “Wait, seriously?”
“Our last assistant was awful. When we fired him, my cohorts and I thought that we had the time to vet for a new assistant, but suddenly our lives were falling apart. It’s urgent. We have to get someone in here like, yesterday,” I explained. “I know it’s a little unorthodox, but I’ve read your resume and you’re easily qualified for the assistant position, that’s why I didn’t call to cancel.”
“But… I want the Junior Editor position,” Sascha said, and she looked truly heartbroken, it actually made me feel bad.
“I know,” I replied. “But there’s something in it for you too.” Sascha looked up at me, renewed interest. “You become the Executive Assistant now, and then when our C.E.O. fires an editor, which he does quite frequently, that job is yours.”
“So it’s a placeholder?” Sascha asked.
“Something like it.” If that made her feel better, I was fine to let her think that. “So? Will you do the interview?”
Sascha closed her eyes and looked deep in thought. My eyes passed over to her lips; they were pursed in a slight frown. Sascha let out a small sigh. I could tell she was a bit put out.
“I’ll do the interview,” Sascha said and attempted her best smile. I chuckled at her sour expression and approached her in slow, deliberate steps.
“Great,” I said, pointing over to two of our reception chairs. “Have a seat.” She sat down in the chair, and it was adorable the way she creased her skirt and really prepared herself for the abnormal interview I had planned. I sat down opposite her. “First question. Can you tell time?”
Sascha’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. “Um, yes?”
“Great,” I said. “Can you write?”
Sascha leaned forward a little bit. “Is this a joke? Are you hazing me or something?”
“It’s not a very complicated job, but our last assistant made it seem like rocket science,” I explained. “So, writing? Yes? No? I’m more wondering if your writing is legible?”
“I’ve always taken it very seriously, as an editor,” she replied, and I chuckled at the jab.
“Good, good. Lastly, are you good at prioritizing? You’ll be assisting myself, the C.E.O. and the C.O.O., so you’ll need to be good at managing a workload,” I said.
“I can do that,” she responded with confidence.
I stood up. “Fantastic! The job is yours!”
Sascha looked up at me, and I could tell she still felt like she might be getting taken for a ride. “Seriously.”
I dropped my jester-esc. personality and spoke to her straight. “Look, in all sincerity, I was planning on offering you this job regardless, but formalities are what they are, and the C.E.O. is big on rules, so I had to do it. Like I said, it’s a really simple job and we just need someone to do it. If you’re serious about the editor job, it’s a good way to get your foot in the door, and really, Carson, our C.E.O., fires editors once a quarter.”
Sascha took another deep breath. I could accept that it was strange. I was prepared to give her the time she needed, but eventually, she looked up at me, and her confused expression had been replaced by a determined one. “I’ll take it.”