“I know that, that’s why I’m trying to reduce the size of our carbon footprint by replacing—”
I cut her off, looking back at Mateo, lounging on the couch, watching us struggle like the gallant asshole he is. “Never should’ve sent this one to college,” I inform him. “Now she’s gonna hassle us about doing our part to save the world. I thought I got enough guilt from Captain Planet, but now I have this pain in the ass yapping at me to change out the appliances.”
Mia plants her hands on her hips, even though she’s sitting down. “Adrian offered to do this for us and you declined. All your pain is self-inflicted. If you would’ve let him do it, we would already be watching the movie.”
“And if you hadn’t replaced the old Blu-Ray player that worked like a dream, we would already be watching the movie. If we had to go green, couldn’t you have chosen something that wouldn’t annoy me? Make Maria change to organic cleaners. Start refilling water bottles. Make Mateo switch to biodegradable body bags. All better choices and none of them inconvenience me.”
Mateo pipes in. “I already use biodegradable body bags.” Then, lifting an eyebrow in mock-disapproval, he adds, “Some of us care about the planet, Meg.”
Mia bites her lip, trying not to smile as she shakes her head. “You are both awful.”
“That’s why you love us, you little psycho,” I mutter, popping the third plug in and looking up at the television.
My shoulders sag in defeat. Still no picture.
“Ready for me to do it?” Mateo asks, knowingly.
“Never,” I declare. I will go down with this ship. If I have to act out the movie myself, I will do that before I accept his smug help. “I am perfectly capable of doing it myself.”
Mia sighs dramatically, dropping the manual and flattening herself on the ground. “We’re going to be here all night.”
“It’s my night anyway,” I point out. “What do you have to do that’s so pressing?”
“Stuff,” she says. “Anything that isn’t sitting here watching you be defeated by a cord.”
“We should go get snacks,” Mateo states, his eyes lingering on Mia as she lies there in the floor.
Mia shakes her head, lips pressed together like she regrets the denial even before she issues it. “We won’t be back before the kids. Rosalie will think we bailed. She’ll be pissed.”
“And nobody wants to deal with that,” I state, shaking my head. Did I try yellow on bottom? I’m positive I’ve tried every single variation at least three times, but the damn thing won’t work. “Maybe this is defective. Maybe I’ve put them in the right order but there’s no power to the cords or something. Like, a frayed wire on the inside and we just can’t see it because… it’s inside.”
“At least now I know I didn’t keep either of you from a rewarding career in robotics,” Mateo remarks.
“Shush, you,” I tell him, tossing a playfully evil glare over my shoulder.
Mia gives him a dirty look, too. “Yeah, Meg hasn’t even let me try. Who knows? Maybe I have the magic touch.”
“I’m going to kill you,” I inform her.
She looks up and grins at me.
The Calvary comes rushing in, a gray and yellow plastic hammer lifted in the air like a warrior. “I’m the fixer girl!”
Rosalie launches her tiny body through the room, slowing to a stop as she looks up at the screen, ascertains we still have not fixed it, and then eyes up the movie player.
Even though I hate the damn thing, I hug it protectively to save it from Rosalie’s hammer. “Is that the only tool you brought?”
Lily and Isabella finally saunter into the room behind her. They accompanied her to the playroom to get her tools, but she came back alone. Rosalie often enters the room alone because she has more energy than everyone else in the house combined.
Isabella brings the play toolset over and gives it to Rosalie while Lily takes a seat in the second row, behind Mateo.
Tilting his head back, he asks her, “You want to help your mom out? I don’t think she has this under control.”
“You could help,” Lily states.
Mateo looks at us in the floor. “Not until they ask.”
Lily nods, sighing and sinking back against the seat. “So we’re going to be here all night. Cool.”
“What are we even watching?” Isabella asks as she takes a seat next to Lily.
Rosalie lulls me into a false sense of security by playing with her tape measure, so I’m not prepared for the sudden whack! as her plastic hammer comes down on the little box of evil.
Mia rockets up, eyes wide. “Whoa, take it easy, Thor.”
Rosalie looks up at Mia, baffled by this command. “But I’m a fixer girl!”
“Why don’t you go fix Daddy?” I suggest.
Mia leans in to stage whisper, “She doesn’t have the right tools for that.”