There’s a noticeable difference between the first time he blew my mind wide open with his games at the poker game, and this time: now he’s giving me space. Last time he crowded me once he dropped the bomb, filling me up with him, kissing my neck, touching me, overwhelming me further. Maybe today he doesn’t think I can handle it.
I know I can. What’s more, somehow I still want to.
The reality sinks in—this is real. This isn’t a trick. It’s so hard to know with him sometimes, but I know this is. He’s given me proof. Vince is alive and well and free because of me. I remember sitting at the pizza place with him back when we were first not-dating, him telling me Mateo would have to let him out, and he never would.
But he did. For me.
It feels like I’ve been in prison awaiting rescue, and Mateo just brought in one of his supervillain weapons and disintegrated the bars. Warmth washes over me, like sunshine after a hellish storm. Maybe he’s the one who locked me up in the first place, but he came back to rescue me.
Now I’m free, too.
Free from the crushing guilt. Free to love this crazy asshole. I don’t have to feel bad about it anymore. He might still be a crazy, manipulative monster, but he didn’t cross my line. He respected the boundary I gave him—he just didn’t want me to know he did.
He loves me. He totally loves me. In his twisted, controlling, semi-scary way, but I’ll take it. He might ultimately drive me out of my mind, but he’s worth it.
I grin up at him. He looks a little wary. All of a sudden I have energy again, and I use it to stand and wrap my arms around his neck, sinking against him. His arms tentatively move around my body, holding me close.
“I’m not Beth,” I tell him. “I’m never going to be Beth. I love you more than anything. More than is even reasonable. I will never stop loving you. You could break my heart a thousand more times, and I would still be there the next day hoping you wouldn’t do it again. You want to trust me with your heart, so give me the same courtesy; let me trust you with mine. There’s nothing you could ever do to make me stop loving you, so please stop trying. I love you more than anyone ever has or will or could, and I don’t deserve to be tortured for it. All I ask is that as a personal favor, you try really hard to avoid killing anyone I love. That would be really considerate.”
A little laugh of surprise shoots out of him. He pulls back to gaze at me, running his thumb tenderly across my face. “I’ll do my best,” he assures me.
“Can I tell Cherie Vince is alive?”
His face darkens, his eyes chilling. “Fuck Cherie.”
I shake my head, running my fingers through his hair. “She wasn’t out of line.”
“She was completely out of line.”
“She thinks you killed Vince. We need to tell her you didn’t. That he’s living his life, free to find someone who makes him happy. She’ll feel better; she’ll know that would make him happy. Happier than I did, let’s be honest.”
Mateo rolls his eyes, but not with any real oomph. “Why do you care so much about people?”
Smiling faintly, I tell him, “I have to care for both of us.”
Tenderly running the backs of his fingers across my jawline, he says, “I know I don’t tell you often, but I really do think you’re incredible.”
His words fill me up, and I lean up on my tiptoes to kiss him. “Often? We must have different definitions of often,” I tease.
“Sh, take your compliment and don’t ruin it.”
“You can give me compliments anytime you want,” I inform him.
Pretending to consider it, he says, “I don’t know, I don’t want to spoil you.”
“No, you just want to break my brain,” I say lightly.
He loses his smile and I immediately feel bad.
“I was just kidding,” I add, quickly. “You’re not going to break my brain. Good vs. evil: you play evil, I play good. I have to win. All the books say so.”
“I don’t think good can win out over evil while fucking evil. I don’t think it works that way.”
I shrug. “I’ll have to accept defeat then.”
“On behalf of all good, you’re waving the white flag?”
“The alternative was unacceptable. I’m sure everyone else will understand.”
Grinning wickedly, he wraps me up in his embrace and kisses me. A tender, lingering kiss that melts my heart. “I’ll make it worth your while, I promise.”
“Oh, I do not doubt you,” I assure him. Then, seriously, I add, “Please don’t ever do anything like this to me again, though. Not this bad. I can handle your games, but this one was too far.”