Francesca shakes her head sadly. “That’s probably not true, Mia. If my brother came right out and told you he wanted you, it was as good as done. You know him. You know he doesn’t take no for an answer. If you wouldn’t have made any promises, if you wouldn’t have spent those nights with him, that doesn’t mean he would’ve spared Vince. If Vince refused to let you go—”
“He wouldn’t have known,” I interrupt, shaking my head. “The problem is he didn’t believe I was being honest when I told him I changed my mind. He knew Vince had to have interfered. I went there to leave him. He knew that. So when I went back on my word, he didn’t believe me. If I would’ve tried to leave Vince on my own and he rejected my break-up and said all the shit he said to me that night, I would’ve just stayed and Mateo never would’ve known I ever intended otherwise.”
“Yes, he would’ve.”
“No. He wasn’t there, he wouldn’t have known. I could’ve just stayed with Vince and forgot the whole idea. Mateo may have hated me for it, but Vince would still be here. Maybe if Mateo hated me I could’ve let go. Maybe then I would’ve given my all to Vince and things would’ve been okay. That’s what I should have been doing all along.”
She grimaces sympathetically, but it’s not like she can disagree. She can’t argue that being faithful inside my own relationship would have been a bad idea. “My brother spins a strong web. You’re young; it’s not shocking you got tangled up in it. You also had me in your ear telling you what a nice, fitting web it was for you, so… I guess I owe you a massive apology. I’m so sorry. I really thought you could be happy with him.”
“Yeah, well, I could’ve if he hadn’t made me a murderer,” I state.
More of Vince’s words come back to me, older words, not words about Mateo. I recall how when I first moved to the mansion he told me how horrible he felt about having taken lives, how he didn’t know how Adrian could do this kind of stuff without feeling it. I had no way of relating to him then. I had no idea how heavy that guilt would be. I never wanted to know. Now I have to carry it, too.
I know a lot of murderers. Maybe I should ask them how they deal with it. Maybe I could get some pro-tips. They all seem to manage. There has to be a way.
Brightening slightly, I look at Francesca, my gaze dropping to her purse. “Do you have your phone?”
“Yes,” she says, but it’s more of a confused question.
“Do you have Mark’s number?”
Now she hesitates. “I do.”
“Can I send him a text real quick? Mateo sort of wigged out about him. He tried to replace my phone for a while. He gave mine back, but apparently while he had it he took the liberty of removing some contact numbers he didn’t approve of. Mark was one of them, and I don’t know his phone number to add it back. He hasn’t texted me either, so I think Mateo may have blocked his number.”
Her cheeks flush and she glances down at her purse, but doesn’t draw out the phone. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I just want to explain why I’ve been ignoring him.”
“You want to explain to Mark that my dangerous, controlling brother with whom you are now in a relationship has taken Vince’s behavior, injected steroids into it, and oh, by the way, he might murder him if he becomes a problem? That’s what you want to do? Really?”
“Well, I wasn’t going to put it that way, no.”
“Why don’t we just let Mark think you’re swept up in Mateo and you’ve lost interest,” she suggests. “Let’s leave Mark alone. I know he was your friend and you liked him, but we all know he liked you as more than that, and now that you’re with Mateo, there’s no way out, so… let’s not give Mark a reason to try to be your hero. It won’t end well for any of us.”
“So much for me not being a prisoner, huh?” I remark lightly, glancing beyond Francesca to where Adrian is posted. My bodyguard. My prison guard. There’s little difference here.
Francesca buries her face in her hands and shakes her head. “God, I hate when Sal’s right.”
—
I’m pleasantly surprised to see Cherie at the foot of the stairs when I go down for dinner this evening. I haven’t seen her in over a month. After what Maria told me I’ve really wanted to check in on her, I just haven’t run into her. Both times I went to the servants’ quarters looking for her, she was out.