Dead silence.
My face might combust in actual flames, and I can’t look at him. Why, oh why, oh why did I start this conversation with him? I mean, I don’t really have anyone else to ask… Lena could probably get me the morning after pill, but we haven’t really been talking and that would be a humiliating way to suddenly start talking to her again.
After a moment, picking up his paper, he says simply, “No.”
Swallowing down the feeling of hollowness, I say, “No, you don’t have someone who can help me with that?”
“No, you may not have birth control or the morning after pill,” he amends.
Eyes widening, I ask, “Why?”
Opening his paper, he meets my gaze and says without apology, “Because I said so.”
I sit there for a moment, horrified, waiting for him to be joking, but apparently he isn’t. I don’t know how to respond to that. I don’t understand why he would deny me something so basic—at least the birth control part. Given their heritage, they may be lazy Catholics—I know they murder and don’t go to church, but maybe they still cherry pick the traditions they want to keep. Vince did mention all Morelli women tend to have lots of babies, but… I didn’t realize that was because they had no choice.
Jesus Christ.
Well, I’ll have to double down on my fervent hopes that the broken condom incident didn’t ruin my life, because apparently if I’m pregnant, Vince is just going to hate me forever.
Oh, and that’s before he even finds out about my being in the study.
Great.
Just fucking fabulous.
Without another word, and certainly without the usual goodbye and have a good day niceties, I get up from the table and leave.
I make it outside before I realize I have no ride.
I won’t go back in though. I’m calculating how long it would take me to walk and how late I’ll be when I spot Adrian in the driveway.
“Hey,” I call out, impulsively.
He turns to me, but doesn’t speak.
“Could you give me a ride to school?”
“Have you talked to Vince?” he calls back.
I shake my head, brushing a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “No, not since last night.”
Adrian nods, glancing toward the road, then back at me. “He’s still at Joey’s. I don’t think he’s going. Why don’t you stay home today, Mia.”
I frown, shaking my head as I walk over to him. “I have a quiz—wait. What do you mean, he’s still at Joey’s? He came home last night.”
Adrian’s lips press together into a firm line, but his face doesn’t betray his thoughts. “No, he didn’t.”
“Yes, he did,” I reply, eyebrows rising.
Adrian takes a step closer, getting right in my face. “No. He didn’t.”
I’m frozen again, unable to move. Even in the terrifying moments after meeting Mateo, when he had me on the ground in front of him with a gun pressed to my forehead, I’ve never experienced time standing still until right this moment. My life could have ended then, and still seconds ticked by, then minutes, then hours.
But now, the world no longer spins.
My brain has shut down. Information is flying in, confusing information, nothing I can make sense of. Nothing.
Until one certainty cements itself.
If Vince never came home last night, I couldn’t have had sex with him.
But I had sex with somebody.
I feel at once like I weigh 1,000 pounds and like I’m weightless, falling through time and space, waiting to crash into solid ground.
My knees turn to jelly, but I somehow stay upright. Everything trembles—or it feels like it does. I can’t tell, I can’t feel physical things right now—not the wind whipping my face, not Adrian’s hand on my arm. I think I could take Mateo’s sister’s throwing star and gouge myself in the chest with it right now, and I wouldn’t feel a thing.
Gasping, coming back to life, I turn on my heel and head back into the house. I don’t run. I walk, slowly, impressed with my ability even to do that.
I go back to the dining room, but by the time I get there, he’s gone. I know he isn’t in his study, because I would’ve seen him.
Elise stands at the table, cleaning up the mess I left, and Mateo’s coffee cup.
“Where is he?” I hear myself ask her.
Elise spins around, surprised to see me. “Who, Vince?”
“Mateo.”
“Oh, I don’t know. He was here a few minutes ago, you just missed him.”
For the first time, the enormity of this goddamn house is a hindrance. My blood is pumping through my veins with such violence I can hear my heart beating in my whole body. I don’t know how long the adrenaline will keep me up. But I want to find him and scratch his fucking face off before I crash.
After he fucking admits what he did. I want to hear that, first.