Glancing at the table, I realize, “We should probably talk about something else.”
“But I’m interested in this. I like hearing about your life—it’s far more exciting than mine. I’m not above a little girl talk,” he jokes. Then, a little more seriously, he said, “Plus, it sounds like things get a little intense at home. Just want you to know you have someone to talk to, if you need it.”
“Well, thanks. But honestly, it’s not how it sounds. Vince isn’t a bad guy, he just has a really weird family. I don’t think he would be so…whatever, it’s just, he reacts and certain family members think it’s amusing or something, so they prod him, and…”
“He Hulks out,” Mark surmises.
“He doesn’t Hulk out. He’s not violent,” I assure him, seriously. “He’s just paranoid. They all are. Crazy levels of paranoia in that family.”
With a nod-and-shrug he says, “I guess I’d probably be paranoid too though, you know?”
“Not that paranoid.”
“What’s the craziest paranoid thing you’ve seen since you moved in? They have, like, spy cams set up,” he says, indicating around the room dramatically.
My eyebrows rise. “You joke, but they do have surveillance. Apparently that you can see, and that you can’t. I haven’t spent too much time thinking about that Big Brother aspect though. I assume it’s more for outside threats than monitoring my trek to the pool.”
“Yeah, mob beefs and all. I know, I know, that’s how I roll, too.”
I shake my head at him, because he’s crazy. Hopping off the chair, I tell him, “Well, since I’m completely useless back here, I’m going to see if Francesca needs any help up front.”
“No,” he drawls. “Stay and keep me company!”
I shake my head at him, but I ignore his request and go up front.
Chapter Twenty One
“What are you thinking about?”
I lift my head, pushing down the pillow as I roll over on my side to get a better look at my beautiful boyfriend. We’ve been cuddling for the better part of an hour, still naked from an impulsive after-school quickie.
Right now, he’s lying next to me, arms crossed behind him under his head, staring up at the ceiling. “Lots of things,” he tells me.
“Like? Share some of the things,” I say, gently prodding him in the side with my index finger.
“Like… I hope you’re happy with me.”
Melting a bit, I give him a little hug. “I’m very happy with you.”
“I don’t mean just now,” he says, pensive. “We didn’t get a chance to cover a lot of things that normal people should talk about before they get serious.”
“Well, let’s talk about them now.”
“I don’t want kids,” he states, readily enough that I think that might’ve been on his mind already.
I frown a little, since I never imagined not having kids. “Well, we always use protection; I don’t think we have to worry about that right now.”
“No, I mean… ever. I never want kids.”
“Never?”
He meets my gaze, shaking his head no.
“You’ve thought about this,” I realize.
“A lot. It’s not fair to bring kids into this family. Boys, girls—they’re fucked either way. I don’t want to do it.”
“Well… I mean, they’d be our kids. We would decide how to raise them…”
He’s already shaking his head. His gaze returns to the ceiling. “No, that’s not how it works.”
“Well, what about—Cherie was saying how a lot of your family’s business interests are legitimate now. By the time we would even have kids, by the time they would be old enough for this to be an issue, maybe your family would have withdrawn from the whole crime scene. Things could change.”
But Vince shakes his head. “We’re not moving in that direction. The opposite, actually. The other big family in Chicago has played nice with us, but they’re starting to get greedy. Things are going to get worse. Mateo’s considering eliminating them, and then our territory will actually expand. If anything, they’d want me to breed more goddamn pawns for the next generation.”
I stare at his profile, surprised by his calm as he talks about what sounds to my ears like a mob war. “That sounds… really dangerous.”
“Will be.”
Swallowing, I ask, “What’s your role in all that? Will you be in danger?”
“I don’t know,” he mutters. “Most likely.”
Curling up close to him, I say, “Well, I don’t like that at all.”
“Neither do I. Me and Joey… we’re thinking about trying something on our own, but… I don’t know. Mateo wouldn’t allow that, and if we tried to keep it from him, he’d probably find out. I don’t think I’ll survive keeping another secret from him.”
“Then don’t do it,” I say immediately.
“I want something of my own, something to… get me out from under his thumb.”
“It doesn’t sound like that’s what this is. It sounds… suicidal.”
Vince sighs heavily. “All-knowing fucking Mateo Morelli.”
It also reminds me of what Mateo had talked about with me that night in the library, how every time he trusts someone, they make him regret it.