“We can’t see each other anymore.”
Shaking my head in denial, I say, “No. No, that can’t… that can’t be the only way.”
“It is. I never should’ve gotten involved with you to begin with. I put you at risk, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to you because of me.”
Clutching the front of his shirt, I shake my head again. “Nothing’s going to happen to me. Listen, what if we got ahead of this? It seems like right now the worst part is the waiting game—will he somehow notice me, or won’t he? If he does, sure, we’re probably screwed, so why don’t we take that possibility off the table? What if we take it to him? What if we stop waiting?”
“No,” Vince says, looking at me like I just suggested we summon the devil to offer him a cup of tea. “No, Mia. Trust me… That is not an option.”
“But why? Isn’t it more suspicious if we try to cover it up? Isn’t honesty the best policy? I want to be with you, I’m not going to tell. I’d be hurting myself as much as you at this point, and if we just explained that to him—”
“He won’t believe it, Mia.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that?” I demand, stomping my foot in frustration.
“Because we know him. You don’t. You can’t fix this, Mia. Mateo doesn’t believe in loyalty, he doesn’t trust people—he doesn’t trust people he’s related to, he sure as fuck isn’t going to trust some random high school girl!”
I balk at being labeled so dismissively, but I don’t bother mentioning it. “But we have to try!”
“No, we don’t,” he says, defeated. “There is no trying. There are no second chances. I take this to him, I tell him you were a witness, that’s it. There’s no taking that back.”
“But maybe he would surprise you. Maybe he would—”
“He wouldn’t.”
Frustrated by his obstinacy, I argue, “You can’t know what he’ll do.”
He shakes his head. “I know the odds, and I won’t take that chance. I won’t gamble with your life.”
I shake my head, refusing to accept that. “This can’t be… This isn’t fair.”
He sighs, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me close. I throw both arms around him, clinging to him like I can change his mind through sheer force. “I’m so sorry, Mia,” he whispers, pressing a kiss against my forehead.
I don’t want him to be sorry. I want him to be braver. Nobody wants to believe me, but I just can’t imagine someone being so unbending, so unreasonable. What if he’s wrong about how his cousin would react? What if it would be okay?
So many thoughts are swirling through my head, stitched together with sadness. It seemed like just a minute ago I was wrapped in his arms in my bed, my skin against his, our bodies entwined. I knew it probably wouldn’t last forever, but I thought it would last longer than this.
Vince pulls back, but it takes a few minutes. The look on his face hurts my heart and infuriates the part of me that wants to keep fighting, confident this is a fight we could win. We’ll never know if it would’ve worked, because he’s too damn afraid.
“So this is it?” I ask, wrapping my arms around myself. “I don’t get to see you again?”
“We’ll pass each other in the halls,” he says, with a sad attempt at a smile.
Despondency wallops me and I shake my head. “I don’t want this.”
He nods. “I know.” After a brief pause that I hope he’s going to follow up with a flicker of doubt, something I can work with, he leans in and brushes his lips against mine in a soft, chaste kiss. Ironic, considering I just threw my virginity at him a couple nights ago.
“Goodbye, Mia.”
I don’t move as he heads to his car, still hanging onto a flimsy hope he’ll change his mind. I wait, each second, for his steps to slow, for him to stop. I wait for him to look back at me over his shoulder, realize he’ll do anything to hold onto me, and head back. Slow at first, then he’ll jog. I’ll meet him halfway and he’ll wrap his arms around me, pulling me close. He’ll assure me we’ll figure this out, but he’s not ready to give up on me, not yet.
But it doesn’t happen. Everything feels heavier as he opens the car door and slides in, and the last of my hopes fall away when he fires up the engine and drives off, leaving me standing in the middle of some random sidewalk, all by myself.
Chapter Eleven
Now that it’s over, I know I should go home. Crawl into my bed, listen to sad songs, and spend the rest of the day mourning the relationship we never even got to have.