He doubled down. “I’m not. We’re ancient history.” Evie might as well have been Helen of Troy and he was Menelaus launching wars to get her back. That’s how ancient they were, they were a legend that had no solid truth to it.
“You still have feelings for her.”
He was today years old learning it was impossible to get away with lying to Mum. “I want to know why she didn’t try for a music career. I gave her up because Errol said I was holding her back. That she didn’t know how to tell me I was doing that. He said she wanted to focus on her own career and stop being so invested in mine and she couldn’t do that while I was around.”
Mum put her tablet on the seat. “That’s what he told you?”
“You know she’s got a huge talent.”
“Errol told you to break up with Evie?”
“He told me Evie would never choose herself over me or her brothers. He blamed himself. Said he’d made a mistake letting her take on too much family responsibility after her mum died. That she didn’t know how to put herself first. That I’d be responsible for her never taking her shot when the timing was right if I didn’t give her space. So I gave her space.”
“Did Errol tell you to quit the band too?”
“No, that was all me. I didn’t cope well with losing Evie.” But Errol’s constant criticism of his musicianship had played a part. He didn’t think anyone would miss him. He’d been right.
Mum shoulder bumped him. “You never wanted to talk about this.”
He made a concerted effort to stop bouncing his heel repeatedly. “I don’t want to talk about it now.”
“You didn’t have to give her up. You didn’t have to quit the band. My God, it was wrong of Errol to make you feel responsible for Evie’s life.”
He swiveled to face Mum. “How could I be the reason Evie didn’t have a shot? I thought she’d talk to me, that we would work it out. But when I suggested we take a break, she took that t
o mean we were finished. That’s how little I meant to her. I lost her, the guys, the little family I’d built, but I gained everything else. Without all that, I might not be here.” He made a raise the roof gesture, both hands pressing up towards the car’s roof. “On top of the world.” He’d talked himself back around now. It didn’t matter what kind of spark and tinder he and Evie were, the scars were already too deep, there was no value in courting a second lot of third-degree burns.
“Errol manipulated you. Maybe Evie and his sons as well.”
“Why would he do that? He was only ever straight with me. And he was right, I wasn’t a musician’s elbow and I was lucky with my songwriting, where the Tice’s had proper training and skill. If I hadn’t listened to Errol then, I wouldn’t have put in the work, I wouldn’t be here now. All he wanted was the best for Evie.”
“What did you want?”
“I wanted Evie to have everything.” But he’d wanted to be part of whatever her everything was. He’d had enough of this; had to stop his heel bouncing again. “Speaking of Errol, what’s with the touchy-feely between you two?”
“A mistake.” Mum patted his hand. “I’m sorry, Jay. You wouldn’t talk about it. You told me you’d had a fight with Abel. I thought you’d just grown apart from Evie. You were both young with so many choices ahead of you. I knew you were lost but I didn’t understand what you were going through.”
“Who knows? We might not have lasted much longer anyway. And everyone has moved on.”
“You haven’t moved on. You haven’t had anyone stay in your life longer than a year and most less than that.
Haven’t found the right person. Haven’t looked. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m fucking busy.” She wouldn’t like the swear word. Fair’s fair, he didn’t like the interrogation.
“That’s an excuse. You really loved Evie and seeing her again must be difficult.”
“Are you my darling mother or my bitch please of a manager right now?”
She grimaced. “Both.”
The car pulled into the drive of the hotel. “Both of you can mind your own business.” He’d have to move quickly to avoid a long scene with the waiting crowd and he was desperate to get out of this conversation, out of his head.
“Jay, you deserve more than a career.”
As soon as security opened the door the squealing started. “I’ve got everything I dreamed of.”
The noise ramped up when he put a foot on the pavement. What else was there? “Rock and roll.”
SEVEN