After they loaded the trunk, Luke and I got into the rear seats and buckled up. When we drove off, I looked back at the beach house and the beach beyond, the waves crashing on the shore. The moon had broken through the clouds and it was really beautiful, if cold. Our view in Bora Bora would be beach, but it would be sunshine most of the time, and clear blue calm waters.
"Well, Milady, we're off," Luke said and took my hand as we drove off. He kissed my knuckles and smiled.
"We are," I said. "I'm so excited."
"It's going to be a long haul to get there, but once we do, we can just laze around and do whatever we want -- or nothing at all."
"I want to scuba dive and sight see and swim and suntan and go out for dinner and shop," I said. "I've spent the last four months almost doing nothing, so I intend to get in as much touristy stuff as possible."
"Whatever you wish," Luke said and kissed my knuckles again.
We arrived at the airport and went right to security, then into the first-class waiting area where we would spend the next hour or so waiting for our flight to board. We were able to have some nice decaf cappuccinos and lattes, which pleased me, since I was off caffeine while I was pregnant. We sat beside a window and watched the airplanes board.
Finally, the call came for our flight and we made it onto our plane, then to our first-class seats for the first leg of our trip to San Francisco. Take off was routine, and we settled in for the breakfast, which was delicious. We had a two hour stop in San Francisco, and then a nine-hour flight to Papeete, Tahiti. We'd arrive that night and stay in a hotel near the airport overnight and then take the final leg to Bora Bora the next morning.
Our flight to Papeete was uneventful, and our hotel there was nice, but I was tired after a full day sitting on a plane and wanted nothing more than a walk on the beach and then bed. Luckily, Luke was of the same mind and we left the hotel in Papeete and walked for about thirty minutes on the private beach before having a nice warm bath together and then bed. I knew he was probably interested in sex, but I just wasn't ready yet and while I felt bad that he'd been so deprived for so long, I couldn't bring myself to initiate it. I was thankful he was patient and wanted to wait for me to take the lead, but it put a lot of guilt on me.
Part of me thought that I could just lie there and let him have his way with me anyway, so he could get off and sleep well, but when I'd offered him just that before, he'd turned me down.
"I don't want to make love to you unless you're just as into it as I am. I can wait. There's more to our relationship than just sex. When you feel like it, come to me. I'll be ready."
Part of me worried that I'd never feel like it again, and that maybe my hormones were all out of whack and would stay that way. I missed our intimacy, but at the same time, I didn't want to get all affectionate with Luke if it meant he would be left with blue balls or he'd have to take matters into his own hands. Most of all, I was afraid that if I didn't initiate sex with him soon enough, he'd stop loving me. Sex was to men what intimacy was to women -- or so my mother always told me. If a wife wanted their husband to be intimate with them and share personal feelings and thoughts, you had to have sex with them -- a lot of sex.
So, as each day passed with me not feeling like making love, I felt more and more anxious that Luke would reach a point and stop loving me.
"I'm sorry, I'm still not ready..." I said to him as we lay in bed, him spooned against my back.
"Shh," he said and squeezed me. "I'm not a teenager. I can hold out. I'm in this for the long haul."
"A long time, not a good time?" I ventured, then felt stupid for saying it, but it was my fear.
"For a good long time," Luke said and kissed my shoulder. "Until the end."
I turned around in his arms and faced him. In the dim light from the window, which opened to show the bay, I saw the outline of his cheekbone and jaw, a fleck of light in his eye.
"I'm afraid you'll get sick of waiting and find someone willing."
"Why would you ever think that? Do you have such a low opinion of me?"
I shook my head, realizing that's what he must think I felt. "No, no,
of course not. It's just that we're a couple. Couples are supposed to have sex regularly or their relationship will break down."
"Not when one of them is sick, or injured, or has morning sickness. I'd be a cad if I expected you to put out just because I'm always ready for sex. I'm a healthy man. I'm pretty much always ready and willing. It's a plumbing issue. It's survival of the species," he said, and I could see him smile in the darkness. I felt tears well up in my eyes.
"But," he said and rubbed my cheek with his thumb. "But I'm also the man who loves you more than anything or anyone. I want you to be right there, with me, filled with as much desire for me as I feel for you. I know that we are totally compatible sexually, because we've been together alone for almost a year and we've always been satisfied with each other. I told you before -- I don't want to just fuck to get off. I want us to make love to each other. I want us both aroused and in need. If not, I can wait until that happens."
"Okay," I said and nodded, trying to convince myself to stop worrying so much.
"Look, this is a special time of your life and in our relationship. It's going to be different between us from now on, because we're going to be parents as well as husband and wife. We have to roll with the punches, and accept what comes our way as a team, okay? We'll find our new happy normal if we give it time and are generous with each other."
I took in a deep breath and sighed. "How come you're so reasonable?"
"Because I'm so happy, that's why. I'm happy with you just the way you are. I can wait, my love. I could wait almost forever." He smiled again. "Almost..."
Then he laughed softly. Finally, I did as well, feeling somewhat better about everything.
"Thank you," I said and kissed him softly on the lips. "Thank you for understanding. Thank you for being you. I love you so much."