“They died?”
She nodded. “When I was twenty-one. Boating accident. Of course, that was when Serena and I found out that our father had a whole other family.”
“What?”
“Yep. A woman he’d been with for fifteen years. They had two sons, three cats, and a freaking holiday home in Spain.”
For a long moment, I could only stare at her. “Jesus Christ.” I squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry, baby. It had to have been a huge fucking blow.”
“It was.” She stared off into space. “You think you know someone. All of them—inside and out. But people have a way of surprising you.”
As she took a long swig of her drink, avoiding eye-contact, I could see she regretted saying as much as she had. I didn’t like that. So I decided to return honesty with honesty.
“I know what it’s like to realise you don’t know someone as well as you thought you did,” I said. “When I was ten, I walked in on my mom having sex with one of my dad’s closest friends.”
Paige’s jaw dropped. “Shitting hell.”
“Yeah. It made no fucking sense to me, Paige. Still doesn’t. My parents always seemed so happy. She loved my dad. I know she did. I don’t get how she could have done what she did. Maybe she was just lonely—I don’t know. That might be a reason, but it’s not an excuse.”
“No, it’s not. I don’t understand how my dad could have done what he did either. Did you tell your dad what you saw?”
My stomach dropped as a familiar guilt swarmed me. “No. I kept meaning to, but then I’d freeze. My mom had tried convincing me that he didn’t need to know; that it would only hurt him; that she’d never do it again. It was easier to go along with it, because then things wouldn’t have to change. It was a selfish decision on my part.”
Her face softened. “Max, you were ten years old. Also, it was a catch twenty-two situation. And of course you wouldn’t want your parents to separate. Very few children would.”
I shrugged, though I was feeling anything but nonchalant. “Maybe I made the right decision. Maybe I didn’t.” I’d never know, and that haunted me. “It was hard seeing how he doted on her, completely oblivious to what she’d done and so sure she’d never betray him.”
“I’m kind of glad my mom never knew my dad led a double life. It would have killed her. His other woman knew nothing of us—or so she claimed. The whole thing was just … fucked up. Serena distanced herself even more from me after that. Retreated within herself. I can’t say I blame her. The whole thing messed with my head, too. I had some major trust issues for a long time. I feel like I worked past them.”
I’d developed some trust issues of my own. But unlike Paige, I hadn’t been able to shake them off. Or maybe I just hadn’t tried hard enough.
“I still have some hot buttons, though. I guess that’s unavoidable, really.”
There was a sort of click in my brain as I realised … “That’s why you reacted so badly when Imani kept her relationship with Butch a secret from you at first. Secrets are a hot button for you.”
She rolled back her shoulders, looking a little awkward. “I can be extra sensitive when people I care about keep things from me. It’s stupid, and I’m working on it. I was unfair to both Imani and Butch.”
“It wasn’t just you. Most of the girls were. So was I and the majority of my squad at first.”
“It wasn’t just that she’d been so secretive. I didn’t want Imani to be hurt again. Which is no excuse. I was out of line.” Paige sipped at her drink again. “Butch is good for her, deranged killer or not.”
A smile tugged at my mouth. “He’s so far gone for her it’s almost embarrassing to see.”
“Most Bound couples are like that. It would be stupid if they weren’t. I mean, it’s pretty much the ultimate commitment for a vampire.”
I felt my smile falter. “Is that what you want for yourself?”
“Eventually, yes. But I’m in no rush. It’s more of a long-term goal.”
“You got any others?”
She set down her bottle. “To not resent immortality. It worries me that I might. That I could grow bored or jaded or even a little crazy. Like Lenox. I mean, he’s been part of the legion for years, but he’s turned on some of his own people because he broke under the strain of everything. I have a pretty destructive ability, and it would be hard for someone to kill me if I went AWOL. I could hurt a lot of people before I’m taken down. And there’d be no one to heal them because, well, I’m the only sort-of-healer here.”