But I don’t hear my stepsister’s self-critique because the second the word “pregnant” comes out of her mouth my heart stops and everything starts to spin in my head. The last three months with Cyrus have been incredible and of course, we use birth control. Yet the pill is no guarantee, and he’s been coming in me hard and fast non-stop for months now. Suddenly, I feel very faint.
“Hey, are you going to be sick again?” Alyssa stops smiling and looks concerned. “You’re looking pretty bad again.”
“Um, I just need my phone. Hold on.”
Without waiting for her to say anything else, I dart into the living room and start shoving my hands between the couch cushions in search of my phone. Then I pull up my Flo app, and my world comes to a stand-still. My vision literally darkens for a moment and I feel light-headed.
“Josie, are you sure you don’t want me to take you to the doctor now?” comes Alyssa’s voice from far away.
“What?” I look up and my stepsister’s brows are drawn together with obvious concern. “No, no, I’m okay,” I say in a rush. Of course, I can’t tell her what I really think because the fact is that I’m never late. And yet now, Flo is telling me that I’ve missed my period the last two months.
OMG, how did I not notice? I guess I’ve been so entranced dating Cyrus that I completely forgot. Oh shit, what do I do? But for right now, I need to figure things out by myself, so I just say, “I’m not ready to go to the doctor yet. But would you mind grabbing me a seltzer water? I think I just need something to help settle my belly.”
My friend nods.
“Of course. Sit down and I’ll be right back.”
I take a seat on the couch, still in a daze. I can hear Alyssa opening the cabinet as she grabs a glass, and I take this moment when she can’t see my face to make myself inhale deeply before schooling my expression into one of neutrality. It isn’t long before she comes back to the couch and sits beside me, handing me the seltzer.
Holding the glass up, I put on a smile. “Thanks babe.”
I take a sip of the cool liquid and have to swallow hard so it doesn’t come up again the wrong way. In my panic, I forgot just how much I hate this stuff because the bubbles always get up my nose and frankly, seltzer just has a funky taste. Well, I hope it settles my stomach.
“Is that helping?” Alyssa asks with a supportive smile.
“Yeah, I think so.”
Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door and Alyssa looks up at the clock on the wall. “Oh shit.”
“Something wrong?”
“No,” she says ruefully while looking down at her jersey and run shorts. “I just forgot Ron was meeting me so we can go on a run before it gets too hot out. But I’ll tell him I can’t go today.”
She stands, but I grab her hand, stopping her. “No, no it’s okay. Go. I’ll be fine.”
She pauses.
“I don’t want to leave you sick like this though,” she says.
“I know you don’t.” I smile at her. “And I appreciate it, but really, I’ll be okay. This isn’t my first stomach bug, and I’m sure it won’t be my last. I’ll be fine.”
“Are you certain?”
“Yes. Besides, I think I’m just going to go back to bed to sleep until this mess passes. You go on your date with Ron. There’s no need to cancel because of me.”
My stepsister studies my face for a minute like she’s looking for a sign of illness, but then she smiles. “Okay. I won’t be gone long, and if you get worse and need anything, just call. I’ll come right back.”
I smile.
“No need. I want you to have fun with your guy, but yes, I’ll call.”
With that, my stepsister grabs her keys and then bounces off to the front door. It opens, and I glimpse a tall shadow, but then she’s gone with a wave of her hand.
I wait a few minutes to make sure Alyssa’s departed for good and didn’t forget something like her water bottle. Once I’m convinced she isn’t going to pop back into the apartment, I run to my room and start rifling through my nightstand, trying to find the extra pregnancy test from the last time I had a scare. That was about a year ago, so I just hope these things don’t expire.
Sure enough, the box is there buried beneath all the mismatched socks I never wear. I take it with me to the bathroom and swallow, staring at it like it’s a foreign object that I’ve never seen before. But after a few minutes, I manage to summon my courage and get with the business of taking the test.