Then Kaspar came along. She was ambivalent at first, but eventually pushed me into going out with him. I thought she was crazy, but I listened.
He won me over.
“I don’t like talking about her. Especially not with you.”
“Do you ever look back and wish things could be different?”
“Sometimes.”
“I don’t. Not once in all these years have I once regretted what happened.” He stalked closer. My heart threatened to shatter my ribs. I wanted to yell and scream. I wanted to run.
Instead, I was frozen, the memories assaulting me.
That first date under the heater. Kaspar, charming, happy. Alice rolling her eyes, grinning at my bad jokes. Lounging on the lawn. I wanted to go back there—those were perfect days.
Happy. There was so much potential.
Then Kaspar had to go and ruin it all.
“Why?” I choked out.
He stopped inches away. Powerful, muscular. He was a force of nature, a typhoon, a hurricane. He could batter me to pieces with his bare hands if he wanted.
I felt so small and weak. I hated myself for it.
“Why what? Why did I do it?”
I nodded, met his gaze.
He stared back intently.
I reached out and pushed against his chest. It was like leaning into a steel beam.
“Why did you murder my friend?”
My words hung in the air.
I could still see it. Alice’s lips purple-blue. Kaspar’s hands wrapped around her throat.
The gun on the floor.
My life was never the same after that. Pain followed me around. Misery haunted me. Livvie died and there wasn’t much left to keep me together.
I never got an explanation. Alice’s body was taken away, her murder covered up, and Kaspar continued on. He took over his family and reigned as an Oligarch.
Untouchable.
I hated him, hated him so much. His intense yearning for me only made it worse.
He killed my friend and I didn’t understand why.
“Do I seem like the kind of man to kill for no reason?” His voice was soft, velvet-smooth. I wanted to jam my thumbs into his eyes.
“Yes, you do.”
He grimaced slightly. I hurt him. That was surprising.
“Then I’ve done a bad job letting you know me.” He put a massive hand beside my head, leaning closer. I was pinned, controlled. “Alice had to die. I know you don’t understand now, but I swear, you will.”
“You’re insane if you think I’m ever going to be okay with what you did.” Anger flared then. It pushed back the fear enough to make me act. I shoved at him again, struggling to get away, but he grabbed my wrist and pinned me tight against the back of the shed.
Outside, men marched past, laughing with each other.
His lips were so close to my throat.
“I don’t expect you to take my word for it. That’s why I’m going to burn down the Oligarchs to prove that I’m not a liar.”
“You’ve lost your mind, Kaspar.”
He kissed my neck. His lips were bitterly soft and I refused to moan. His hand gripped my wrist tighter—I thought of his mouth between my legs—
“You’re right, I did lose my mind. Years ago, when I saw you at Blackwoods, I lost all sense of myself. Do you think I enjoyed following you around? Calling you all the time?”
“You got some sick pleasure from it.”
“It ripped me to pieces. I tore me up inside. Every time I dialed your number, it was like gagging on hot coals. I hated myself, disgusted with how low I was willing to stoop, but I couldn’t stop. I had to have you. I needed to prove that I was perfect for you, that we could be good together. I couldn’t stop dreaming about your lips, your curves, your eyes, your voice. I had to hear you purr my name.”
“You got what you wanted. Then you killed my friend.”
“I saved your life.”
I snarled at him. “You ruined it, you sick freak.”
He kissed me. I bit his lip, which only made him kiss me harder. I tasted his blood as I returned the kiss with a fervent hate. I burned with it, an anger deep inside that’d been building and building for years, and now exploded out as I hammered my tongue against his. He grabbed my hair and pulled it, and I gasped with the pain, but wanted more. I tried to hit him, managed to slap his cheek before he wrenched me back, turned me around, and pushed me against the wall next to the window.
I saw the courtyard, more men marching, as Kaspar unbuttoned my jeans. I struggled, but weakly. We both knew it was a game. I bit his hand and he growled, pulled my hair harder, shoved his fingers down the front of my panties. He found me slick and dripping, and I was livid with myself.
So weak. I was so weak.
His fingers felt like heaven as he rolled them around my clit and kissed my neck from behind. He released my hair and unbuttoned my blouse, thrust his fingers over my breasts, and teased my nipples. He slid his fingers inside of me and I gasped, moaning, back arching as he fucked me with them.