He brushes my damp hair back from my face and gives me a tender kiss. “So, tell me what I don’t know. Whatever it is, I can handle it. You don’t get to decide for me. It’s too late, Aria, I have had a taste of you, and I don’t want to let you go.”
“I care for you a lot, probably more than I should, but I am still in love with Jace’s father, it wouldn’t be right of me to start something with you knowing I still love him,” I say confusing him.
“Jace’s father,” he mumbles as though he is just now realizing that Jace has a dad.
“Yeah Ty. I love him,” I say the words, but inside they feel hollow. For the first time, I feel like maybe I don’t love Brian any more, but that can’t be what I’m feeling. Tyler has me all screwed up inside about how I feel because we just fucked each other. Twice.
Tyler gives me a knowing expression, places a simple kiss on the tip of my nose, and walks out without a word. I just ruined our friendship for one night. Damn it, why did I have to give into what my body desired?
After Tyler is gone, I have a hard time drifting to sleep. Guilt takes its hold over me. Maybe I don’t love Brian as much as I thought I once did. But why do I feel like I just cheated on him, even though we haven’t been together in over five years?
**
Tyler has been keeping his distance, and giving me some much needed space. We haven’t spoken since that night and what were a few days of silence has turned into weeks. Things with work have been going great. I have started making enough the past month that I don’t have to work full time at both jobs anymore, giving me more time to spend with Jace and Faye. This is a great thing, since Faye isn’t doing well at all. She is doing worse than expected, and I am so scared I am going to lose her when I finally feel like we have a good relationship. Growing up, I always felt a coldness between us. Even before she left when I was nine, it was there.
When she stepped up and asked me to live with her, it was the second chance we both needed. I am so thankful that life has given us the time we have had, but I am a selfish person and I want more.
I haven’t spoken to my dad since he hung up on me. I am still feeling a little stung from the conversation we had. Caroline has come out of retirement and returned to teaching, so she hasn’t been able to help with Jace as much, but everything is working out. Chrissy has changed my hours up at the tanning salon. Now I am only working three days instead of five.
Erin is always teasing me about Tyler. She doesn’t understand why I can’t just be with him. There is a part of me that thinks she secretly has a thing for him. She is always talking about how good looking he is. I haven’t seen much of Tyler at the club or the gym either. I think he’s purposely working out when I’m not there, and taking shifts on my days off from the club.
He could be off doing stuff for the MC, I overheard Bender on the phone talking about a shipment and that Tyler was handling it one night when he came over to spend time with my mom.
I haven’t heard anymore from Brian, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think of him. I haven’t reactivated my e-mail. I did look him up online yesterday. The last story about him was that he is playing poorly this season. I didn’t give him up for him to make a shit pile of mistakes and throw it all away on a bottle of liquor. I really hope he isn’t drinking like he used to.
The more I think of his actions the more it pisses me off, but what can I do about it? Not a damned thing. I want to tell him about Jace, but I am so scared of what he will think and more importantly what will he try to do. He could try and take Jace away from me. I can’t let that happen. My son is my world.
Chapter Six
The easy thing to do would be to just to blame everything all on Brian and say it’s because of his drinking that I lied and made these choices. When in reality I am really just pissed with myself for not having the guts to do the right thing for the past five years. My intentions were good, but I know no one will see it that way. Besides, right now I have to get my ass to Indigo.
I walk into the familiar smell of smoke and hairspray. Dressing in a deep red silk bustier with gold tassels and matching boy shorts over my fishnet stockings. I take my time getting my red feathered mask to sit just right on my chestnut curls. I apply my red lipstick and clock in. I walk to the front of the club to my hostess podium near the main entrance. Tyler is working tonight and damn if he doesn’t look good. He is wearing a white dress shirt and black slacks. He has the sleeves pushed up onto his forearms, giving a tease of his well-toned muscles and tattoos. The MC doesn’t make their presence known at their businesses but people know who owns them.
He catches me staring and gives me a wink. I turn my head quickly, afraid he will see the blush creeping up my cheeks. He probably can’t see due to the dim lighting, but just in case. I smile thinking back to the one night we shared.
I squeeze my middle together willing myself not to become aroused, but it is so hard not to in these surroundings. There is just something deadly sexy about wearing these masks. Lust floats through the air here and envelopes you like a passionate lover.
Things are a little slow right now, so I watch the girls on stage and wonder what it would be like to get up on that stage and just let go of everything. Nothing but me and the music, no worries, no cares in the world. My thoughts are interrupted when a few guests walk up to my podium waiting to be given their masks and be seated.
“Welcome to Indigo, where fantasy meets reality,” I greet them.
I hand them their required black masks. One of the guys is studying me hard.
“Do you dance here?”
“Me? Not really, I’m not on the schedule to tonight.”
“Well baby, I would pay extra to watch your fine ass up on that stage. It would be like poetry in motion,” he flirts. This guy is cute, in a boy next door way. He’s the opposite of Tyler, all sweet and soft. Tyler is rough and hard.
“Um, thank you. I think. Enjoy your evening.” I let out a nervous giggle, he isn’t the first to ask, but the way he is checking me out is just the confidence boost I needed after the funk I have been in lately. I seat a few mor
e people and Erin comes up to me with a sneaky grin spreading over her face.
“The gentleman at table four just offered a thousand dollars to see you up on the stage,” she says with a high pitched squeal.
“No way!” I look over at the table to see the guy from earlier staring at me, his light blue eyes piercing me in place from behind his mask.
“You have to do it. That’s a grand Aria! I just asked Trina and she gave the approval.” Trina is the stage manager who is over the spotlight dancers. She also happens to be the grabby handed booby lady.