I pull a notepad from my nightstand and start writing a letter that I have tried to write a thousand times but have never been able to find the words:
Brian,
There is no easy way for me to do this. I have been a coward for five years. Afraid of what you will think of me once you know the truth. But here it goes. I have a son, WE have a son. His name is Jace. He recently turned four years old. I know that I can never get back for you the time I have stolen from the two of you. I just hope that in time, you may someday forgive me for my betrayal. I only wanted for you to have a good life, to live out your dreams in the diamond. And you and I both know that had I said yes the day you asked me to marry you, you would have never made it to your field of dreams.
I rip the paper out and crumble it into a tiny ball. I can’t tell him like that. It’s not something I can do through an e-mail or over the phone, either. I lay my head back on my pillow and try to sleep, but I am so restless. Walking out onto my front steps for some fresh air, I see Caroline’s lamp is on. I walk over and give a light tap to her door. One look at me and she hands me her bottle of wine.
Her house is small and a mirror image of ours as far as layout, but the décor is completely different. Everything has an oriental style to it from her lantern lights to her large rugs.
“Want to talk about it?” She curls back up on her chaise.
“No. I have only managed to make a mess of things once again is the entirety of it.”
A few minutes later my phone chimes with a message from Tyler.
Tyler: You awake sugar tits? I need to see you.
At this point I am tipsy and no longer care. I mean what else can I manage to screw-up tonight.
Me: Come on over the wine is fine.
I kiss Caroline on the cheek and tell her Tyler’s coming. She winks at me and pushes the wine into my hands once again.
Tyler makes it over pretty fast.
He pulls up on his motorcycle moments after I sit on the porch to wait for him.
Joining me on the steps, he takes the wine from me. “You’re cut off. This is mine now.”
All I can do is hiccup. He looks so dreamy in his leather vest and dark jeans. He looks like a total badass. The bad boy your daddy warned you about. God, do I want to be bad with him, just once.
“So, you like the taste of ass do you?” I bump his shoulder with mine, nudging him.
He chuckles lightly, taking a long hard drink straight from the bottle.
“Ride to the beach with me, I have all this energy, and I need to clear my head.” He rises from the steps holding his hand out to take mine.
My house is only a few blocks away from the beach. I send Caroline a quick text letting her know I am stepping out for a bit. She walks over to keep an eye on Jace and Faye for me. Sliding my feet into my sandals, I follow Tyler to his bike.
Climbing on behind him, feels so freeing. He secures my arms around his middle and I hold on tight.
Our ride doesn’t last long enough. He parks and we walk along the edge of the water.
The night air is nice. It’s the perfect night for a walk on the beach, the glow of the moon against the water and sand is very romantic. Not
the ideal setting for a walk with a friend.
Tyler suddenly pulls me down into the sand with him. He laces his fingers through my hair. I am lying on top of him. I start to roll off him when he slides his hands down to my hips holding me in place. He looks me directly in my eyes. The grip he has on me is firm. In one swift motion, he rolls us over so that he is now hovering over top of me.
“Aria,” he says my name in a strained whisper. His eyes haven’t left mine yet. I know he is about to kiss me, and I should stop him, but it has been so long since I have been kissed. And damn if I don't yearn to be kissed, to feel his lips on mine. My body takes over and pushes what my brain wants into the dark of the night.
It is as if an alien has taken over my body, when my hands clasp around his neck as I bring my lips to his. My lips part on their own allowing his tongue to invade my mouth. His warm, moist tongue tastes of wine and desire. As I allow my tongue to dance with his, I let out a low moan of pure pleasure. Everything about him feels good—too good.
My hands travel down his back making their way under the cotton fabric that is separating my skin from his. Raking my nails across the top of his back, I completely let go of all control, my hands make their way into his pants. Gripping his tight ass, he feels too good to stop now.
I can’t go back.
I need him.