see that. “You can do this, Jameson. It’s just Fancy,” I encourage the me she doesn’t know to face the woman she has become.
When I left, Peyton was just a girl and I was a boy with a dream. I sometimes wish things could have ended differently between us, but if they had, I might not have ended up where I am now. My life isn’t just good, it’s great. I have everything I could ever want, but in the back of my mind, I’ve always known there was something missing. That something is Peyton. I had so many plans for us, but life had other ideas. A future with Peyton wasn’t in the cards for me. She’s probably better off without me.
A day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought of her. Every song I write is for her. I dedicate every performance to my Fancy. Many times, reporters have asked me who Fancy is, being the name is tattooed on my back, and I answer with the truth. I tell them she is a girl I used to know.
I carry your heart with me
It shadows over my own
I never meant to steal your heart away
It was never mine to take
But I wanted it anyway
As I’m going out the front door a little girl runs past the fence with her blonde curls bouncing, and crying for her daddy, reminding me of Peyton. I think I was twelve the first time I saw her cry.
Flashback
“Why you always hanging with that weird kid?”
“What weird kid?” I ask Josh, knowing he’s referring to Peyton.
He punches me in the arm hard. “Peyton. That girl freaks me out. She’s always talking about death, total downer. She will probably grow up to be a serial killer or something. Better watch your back.” I know he is joking but it makes me angry.
He doesn’t know my Fancy like I do. That is what I call her, but she is so not elegant. The first day we met, she was dressed all nice, but now that we are friends, I know she is a Tomboy. When we hang out, she wears overalls like my little sister with a tank top under them. She’s cool, we hang out at the park and catch grasshoppers and butterflies, while listening to music.
“She isn’t weird, dude, just different,” I defend her.
“Different is a nice word for weird.” He laughs shaking his head before taking off on his bike.
Josh came over to invite me to play baseball with him and some of the other boys from the neighborhood, but I am stuck here at my Uncle’s house cutting grass. My mom lost her job and she sent my sister and me here to live with her brother while she gets back on her feet. My Uncle Rodney owns a lawn care service, and he told me if I do good this summer keeping his lawn cut, next summer I can start helping on some of the jobs he has and earn some more money.
I’m getting ready to start the mower when I see Peyton running behind the fence. I’d know her pink Chuck Taylors anywhere. Looking back at the house, I can see Rodney through the picture window sitting on the couch with a six-pack of Budweiser on the side table and a bowl of chips in his lap. I know he is watching the game and getting hammered. He won’t notice if I am gone for a little while. My Aunt Thea took Ruby Jane to get her a haircut, so I don’t need to worry about them ratting me out either.
I think Thea enjoys having Ruby Jane here; she is like her own personal doll. Not sure she cares much for my being here, but they can’t have kids and love having my sister. I don’t know if it is because she is younger or a girl, either way, I don’t care.
I head for the park knowing that has to be where Peyton was off to so fast. She loves it there. Walking along the sidewalk I jump over the cracks muttering, “Step on a crack break your momma’s back.” My mom calls when she can to check on us. I haven’t seen her since she dumped us here two months ago. I only had to go to my new school for six weeks before summer break started so it wasn’t so bad.
“Hey, Fancy,” I call out to Peyton, as she pushes through the trees. She showed me her secret spot a few weeks ago. There is a part of the park that edges off into the woods where some tree stumps that make for a great sitting spot are away from everyone else. She keeps walking, either ignoring me or not hearing me.
When I catch up to her, she is seated on a stump head leveled on her fists, with earbuds in her ears as tears stream down her face. She doesn’t know I am here. Her eyes are closed as she cries and then she sings. Even through her pain, she sounds beautiful. I didn’t know the girl could sing.
I don’t know what to do here, I am not good with girls and tears. When my sister cries, I give her a favorite doll and she stops after a minute or two. I am trying to think of what to say, but I want to hear her sing more, so I stay quiet.
I take up the stump across from her and listen getting lost in her melancholy tune. The song must have ended. She stops singing, wipes at her eyes, and brushes her hair back, startling at her first glance of me, but then relaxing seeing it's only me.
“So…what’s it this time, promise your sister a hot dog?” She teases.
“Something like that. Why you cryin’?”
“Remember, I told you about that big boob woman, the one my daddy likes?” She wipes at her tears again.
I nod, I remember — her father has a girlfriend she doesn’t care for.
“I think they are getting married and my daddy is saying he wants me back in therapy. I hate going to those appointments. They are stupid. All they do is make me look at inkblots and ask me stupid questions. Nan thinks it is stupid too. Told my daddy I didn’t have nothing wrong with me. He’s the one with the problem. Well my daddy didn’t like that. Then they made me leave the room. They were shouting, fighting over me. Daddy was saying that he was taking me to the city to live with Barb. That’s when I left.”
I kick at the dirt thinking of what to say. “Moving sucks so does big boobed women named Barb.” She smiles and then she giggles. My insides go warm. Her smile is the best thing I have ever seen.