Do I want it to be? Maybe, but it would never work.
We get back on the road and Killer takes me up to the mountains to some spot he said he used to go to when he was a kid for family weekend getaways before his old man walked out on him and his mom. It takes us nearly an hour to hike after he hides his bike.
“There’s a cave we can sleep in up ahead. The water is about a half mile down that path with the red marker on it. We should be good here. “He smiles at me looking all too good when he rips his t-shirt off revealing all his ink. “I’ll gather us some wood for a fire. There’s a tarp in my pack we can use to lay on tonight. I know it isn’t romantic, but it’ll do the job.”
“Do I look like a girl who needs romance?”
“You just look like mine.”
I shake my head. “Whatever. Go get the wood.”
He winks and disappears into the woods leaving me alone for the first time in days. I’ve been so caught up in Killer I haven’t had time to process all the shit that went down. If Killer hadn’t come in when he had…truth is Micah may have killed me or I would have killed him. That bastard killed Nadia. I may not have loved her the way she wanted but she was loyal. She deserved better than she got. Especially from me. Hush promised me that he took care to make sure she got a proper cremation and that he’d get me her ashes when shit dies down.
Bitch always talked about going to live on a beach somewhere. I’ll make sure I sprinkle her somewhere beautiful. Some place nice that she would have liked. Her falling for me was never part of the plan. Hell, I’ve been plotting and planning for so long I don’t even remember what my original plan was. But number one was I would never count on anyone but me. I’ve been fucked over too many times. Mother fuckers always get greedy and want something from me. Killer seems like maybe he could be different than all the rest but I gotta be careful. He could be playing me.
He was sent to kidnap me after all, but if he wanted to turn me in, he could’ve pinned Micah on me and took me in. But he didn’t. Whether I want to admit it or not that shit means something to me. Maybe he’s starting to mean something to me too. I sit on a rock and push the dirt around with a stick. Waiting for him to come back.
I could steal his key and take his bike, but I’ve grown used to him in the short time we’ve been together. Even now I find myself missing him. The emotion is new to me, and I don’t particularly care for it. It means I rely on him. That I want him around. I stopped having feelings when I was just a kid.
I hear the ground crunch and look up seeing my man with a stack of wood.
“You look deep in thought.”
“Just thinking about the past.”
“I
wanna know what’s got that look on your face. Tell me right now, Trin, or I’ll spank it out of you. I’ll blister your ass.” He drops the wood to the ground and crosses his arms. I get he’s trying to look scary but all it’s doing is making my dead heart beat.
I take in a deep breath, then let it out. “Being around you, confuses me. You make feel shit. I’ve not allowed myself to really feel anything since I was a kid. My sister was an evil cunt. She used to torture the fuck outta me when she was supposed to be watching me. Her and her bastard of a boyfriend. She’d hold me down for him, and he’d burn me with his cigarettes then fuck me. That bastard got what was coming to him, but he wasn’t my first kill. My sister used to have these pet birds she loved them. So, like a good sister, I poisoned them and put them in her bed.” His face turns to rage as I continue. “The shit part of it all, she was apparently my mother, not my sister. I was four when my grandmother that believed to be my mom was murdered during a home invasion. I hid in the closet like she told me too. It was the one time she worried about me. I did what I was told and hid.” I let out a breath and feel like a bitch when a tear slips free.
“I watched it all happen. Men came in and raped her while they sliced her up. I didn’t even cry. How fucked up was that? Instead after they left, I went and played with her dead body. Police came two days later. I’m not sure who called them, and they found me covered in her blood. I played with her dead body so much, I basically used it as a fort. It’s probably why I’m still so fucked up now.”
Killer’s brows shoot up high, and he just stares at me in disbelief. “Where does your sister come into this?” he asks.
“I was taken to the station, got cleaned up and they called around to look for her. She came almost a week later to get me. The abuse was minimal to start, since I was heavily watched by social services, what with the way I was found at the house. But when I was six, they stopped coming by, and that’s when she got mean. The belt was her favorite, punching me her second. But after a while she got bored with it. And that’s when she started letting her boyfriend hurt me. Once I got my period at ten was when she started letting him rape me.”
“This is killing me, babe,” Killer interrupts.
I shake my head. “I’ve had two miscarriages and three abortions thanks to my sister, all before I was sixteen. Then, out of nowhere, the abuse stopped. The boyfriend was an ex-boyfriend and she was dating Blaze. I was around the brothers and the clubhouse often, and they might all be pieces of shit, but hurting kids isn’t something they like. It was then I started plotting, since I was no longer being abused by the bitch. I was digging through my mom’s shit in the attic and came across birth certificates. When I confronted my sister, she told me everything. She had me at sixteen and didn’t want me, so she gave me away. And then four years later she had to take me back because our mother got herself murdered. That bitch blamed me for all the shit that happened. She even said it was my own fault that she had to hurt me. Which is so fucked up.”
“Fuck, Trin. Let’s go dig that bitch up and kill her again.” He frowns and drops down in front of me. “I don’t get it, why’d you take out Blaze for killing her?”
I laugh. “I wasn’t pissed that Blaze killed her. I was pissed that he did the job for me.”
He smirks and shakes his head, smiling softly at me. “I get that.” He sets to getting our fire going, and I grab some of our snacks from his pack. We spend the night just munching on beef jerky and trading stories under the stars. It’s the kind of normal I think we both need.
Chapter 15
Killer
“Let’s wash up in the lake.” I grab Trinity’s hand and lead her down to the water.
It’s midday and we’re grungy from the road and sleeping on the ground. We get down to the edge of the water and there is nothing or no one for miles. Nothing but us and Mother Nature. I skip a couple pebbles across the water while Trin walks along the edge getting her feet wet.
“It’s so cold.” She shivers and when she turns her back, I take a run and go at her hooking my arms around her, lifting her off the ground, rushing into the crisp water clothes and all. She sputters and gasps as I take her under a couple times. She smacks at my chest, but I just hold her tight until she gives in, hooking her legs around my waist. Her lips turn purple and her teeth chatter. “You’re a dick.”
“And your point is?”