“It’s a new pack.” I grab the foil backed plastic from his hand.
His face goes pale. “We’ve not been using condoms.”
“We never have. I’m the only girl you haven’t used them with. I went on the pill before we ever had sex. I was taking it religiously until the accident. It’s fine, Killian.”
“Are you trying to trap me?”
“What!? No. I wouldn’t do that. I’m not Jackie.”
“Who the hell is Jackie?”
“One of your fuck buddies you gave money to have an abortion behind my back.”
“I did what?”
“You heard me, Killian. I can’t believe you’d compare me to that bitch after all the shit she has put us through.”
“I don’t even know who the fuck she is. Right now I’m talking about you missing your pills and hiding it from me.”
“I wasn’t hiding it.” Well. Okay I kind of was but it’s not the point. “A baby is the last thing I’d want with you right now.”
He laughs with a shake of his head. “I’m out of here.”
“Stop, let’s just take a second to talk.”
“I’m done talking, Liri. You’ve loved having me all to yourself this past week. Spreading your legs for me every morning and night. Don’t tell me you weren’t hoping you’d get pregnant and that I’d what—want to marry you.”
“I’ve never brought up either to you. We’ve not been dating that long, and we’re still in college. Of course I thought one day we’d get to that but not anytime soon, Killian. Not right now when you don’t even know if you love me or not. And I would talk to you about it.”
“Like you were when I came through the door?”
“It’s not like that.” Tears roll down my cheeks steady as the snow that is falling outside. I fucked up. I fucked up so damn bad with him just now.
He pokes me in the chest hard with his finger. “That’s exactly what it’s like.”
“I don’t want you driving upset. Not like this.”
“You’re not my mother. And you damn sure aren’t my girlfriend.” He stomps right back out the door and slams it so hard a picture falls off the wall and shatters.
I know better than to go chasing after him. He’ll be out of the damn parking lot before I reach him. If I try to call him there is no way he will answer. I know how Killian works. He’s probably going to the frat house to get drunk with Ben or Woodrow. Possibly Liam. I’ll be here worrying myself sick about who or what he’s doing. How many times are we going to go through this cycle of fighting and making up? When will it ever be enough for one of us to walk away?
I know that for me I don’t think I will ever be able to let him go. I love him. I love him more than anything. But this time he doesn’t love me. I think he was starting to, but I messed it up by not being honest.
I wish I could hit rewind on the past ten minutes and take them back. I need a do over, but in real life there are no redoes.
He spins his tires peeling out of the parking lot and blaring his music. I get up and grab the broom and dustpan to clean up the glass. Crouching down, starting with the bigger pieces first, I stack them in my hand. When I go to stand, I feel dizzy and make a fist around the glass like an idiot. I wince and my palm splits open along with my fingers. Blood droplets splatter on the floor and more tears fall. On shaky legs I make it to the kitchen. Opening my palm and dropping the glass into the sink I run cold water over the small cuts and the big gash. “Shit.” I sniffle and rub at my nose.
Pain lances through me from my hand all the way to my throat. I feel nauseated and weak. I can feel my pulse in my ears. I know it’s the sight of the blood making me sick. The bleeding is letting up, and I feel like I am going to pass out. My phone is in my purse on the couch. I grab a clean dishtowel out of a nearby drawer and wrap it around my hand.
Sinking down on the couch I get my phone out and dial Killian. He’s shut his phone off or set my calls to ignore. Mom is too far away for me to bother her. There is no way I am contacting Hayley, and I don’t want to bug Noelle. I dial the one person who never lets me down.
“Hey. Long time no talk.”
“Um, Hunter, could you um…I cut my hand, and I don’t know what to do.”
“You don’t sound too hot. You okay?”
“No,” I croak.