“Yeah. Guess I need to do that and figure out where I go from here.”
“Okay. I can go in with you if you’d like.”
“Nah. You gotta do your thing. Listen, last night…I owe you an apology. I took advantage of your feelings for me, and it wasn’t right of me.”
“I used you too. I know you can’t possibly feel the same way I do. It sucks, but I am trying to be patient and understand.”
“I just don’t want to lead you on. I gotta be honest. I think you’re hot, but I don’t see you as my girlfriend.” His words punch me in the gut. “I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”
I put the food down. I can already feel it trying to come back up my throat. “I don’t want you to.”
“I know, but last night shouldn’t happen again.”
“I see.” I go to take a drink of one of the coffees, but it immediately sours on my stomach, and I go running for the bathroom.
Falling to my knees, the little of breakfast I managed to get down comes right up. Hot, angry, fat tears run down my face. All I seem to do anymore is cry.
The front door slams shut and moments later I hear his car peeling out the parking lot. He doesn’t want me. Killian doesn’t want to be with me. He doesn’t even want to try.
It takes me a good hour before I feel able to leave the apartment and go to campus. I don’t know where Killian went. I just feel numb. All I wanted was for him to wake up and come back to me. I guess one out of two isn’t so bad. My mother was right. The Killian who woke up isn’t he Killian I knew.
I pull in at the admissions building and his car is here. I give myself a once over in the mirror and grab my bag from the passenger side. When I get out of the car Liam is standing next to Killian’s car. “Hey, Liri.” He shoves his ink covered hands in his pockets.
“Hey.” I tense being this close to him. He’s still on my list of not so favorite people after the stunt he pulled. I know he feels remorse for his part in everything, but I’m not ready to forgive and forget. It’s all still too raw.
“So, Killian’s back?”
I nod. “Kind of. I don’t think you deserve to know crap about him, but you were his friend at one point. Killian is back, but he has no recollection of the past two years. In his mind he’s still a senior in high school. So thanks for that.”
His brows lift. “You’re shitting me.”
“I wish I were. My boyfriend woke up, but he doesn’t remember ever loving me. He doesn’t want to be with me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Listen, I have to go.”
“Liri,” he calls out to me when I start to the door. I glance back at him. “I really am sorry about everything. I didn’t think it’d go that far. I was drunk, and I know it isn’t an excuse but it’s the only one I’ve got.”
“I hear you.” I go to grab the door handle the minute Killian is exiting the building. He notices me briefly then keeps walking as though I’m a random stranger he is passing on the street and not the woman he fucked last night.
So that’s how it’s going to be. He don’t know me, and maybe I never knew him. I just thought I did. Biting the inside of my cheek I manage to walk inside the building without peering back over my shoulder. It kills me not to check to see if he’s watching me, but I already know that he’s not.
**
My advisor was able to work things out with my professors. As long as I turn in everything and ace finals, I’m set for next semester if I can pay. Thanksgiving is almost here, and I don’t know what my plans are now that Killian and I are whatever we are. I was supposed to go to his dad’s, but I think that would be awkward being that we aren’t together.
There’s a voice in the back of my head that tells me to just let things be and give him some space and time to regain normalcy, but he dumped me. He’s only been by the apartment a few times to shower and grab clothes. I don’t even know where he is staying. I’ve been spending my time working on my Christmas present to him. It’s our story. Drawings and sketches of all my favorite memories with him put together almost like a comic book. I don’t know if I’ll give it to him, but it’s therapeutic.
I promised Noelle I would fill in for her tonight at the bar and grill. I haven’t told anyone that we broke-up other than Liam. I keep hoping Killian will remember what we are to each other or what we were. I’m not sure what I should do about the apartment. I know if I told Theo Killian moved out, he’d pay my rent, but I don’t want to hear I told you so. He hasn’t technically moved out, but it’s been a week since he dumped me. I went through the stages of grief. I was numb for the first two days, then I moved into the crying and eating ice cream phase. Today I’m angry.
I grab my uniform shirt and pull it down over my head. I don’t want to go to work, but I need the money.
I don’t make enough to support paying for it alone. Killian had money from all the racing he did, but I don’t expect him to keep paying when he’s not even living here. I don’t know what I want. I’m miserable. Hunter has been calling me, but I keep blowing him off too. I’m not ready to face anyone. I’m sure everyone knows that we aren’t together by now. It shouldn’t matter but it does. I feel like a damn fool. His fool, because despite the rejection, I love him.
I make it to the bar and grill without falling apart. Conrad is behind the bar and Susie is getting ready to leave. “T
hanks for coming. It should be slow tonight. We don’t expect much business until Friday night.” She squeezes my shoulder. “How is he?”