“Audrey…” I don’t wait for her to say anything more. I push the door open, stepping into the room, wrapping my arms around her, kissing her like I own her, because I do. Her tongue sweeps along mine and I feel a peace I never knew I was missing until her wash over me.
She’s mine, she was always meant to be mine.
From the first time we met…until now she was mine, we just didn’t know it yet.
“Are you crazy,” she says breathily as my family watches the show.
“Crazy about you. Get dressed, you’re coming home with me.”
“Nate…” she starts again.
“Come on already, we’re cold and wet out here,” Natalie yells through the sheets of rain as they downpour.
“We’re your family, Audrey, whether you want us or not,” Dad speaks up.
Audrey snorts and shakes her head. She shoves her hands against my chest. “You scared me, Nathan. Don’t do it again.”
“I promise, I’ll do better with my medication. I’ll increase my therapy sessions. Whatever you want, I’ll do it. For you.”
“Not for me, Nathan. For us. All of us.” She nods to my crazy ass family.
Audrey grabs a pair of flannel bottoms from the bag next to her bed as everyone piles in the room, sopping wet. She goes into the bathroom to dress, and we all stand awkwardly, waiting for her to return.
Chapter 19
Audrey
I’m in the bathroom feeling terrified to leave this tiny room.
I know Nathan, Nattie, Ma, Joe, Trey, and Lewis are waiting on the other side of the door for me. How can they all be okay with my being with him? Don’t they feel I am trading one son, one brother for another?
I take a deep breath steadying myself with my palms against the cold ceramic sink. The water drips from the faucet making a plop plop sound as it hits the basin, reminding me of the rain hitting my windowsill.
I take a few more breaths not knowing what to do. I stare at myself in the mirror, wishing I could talk to Joey. I wish I knew how he felt. Would he be angry? Would he be happy Nathan and I have each other?
“This is your life now, Audrey,” I tell my reflection. I have to worry about the now. Live in the world around me today. I can’t go back. I can only move forward.
In the end it doesn’t matter what Joey would think, he isn’t here now, and he isn’t coming back. Maybe it’s too soon, but maybe Nathan was right, I did meet him first. What if fate was trying to tell me something back then? What if the world put me in Joey’s life to lead me back to his brother?
I believe in serendipity. I believe in Nathan and his love he wants to give me.
After we had sex and he flipped out one me, I ran. It’s easier to run than face the consequences of what my choices were causing. I knew that he suffers from PTSD. I know he’d never hurt me intentionally.
I think back to that night, the night we met for the first time.
I remember his smile, and how sweet he was for those fleeting minutes I knew him. I remember wishing I could see him again, even though I didn’t know his name. Maybe that’s why I was so drawn to Joey, he reminded me of Nathan.
r /> The war changed Nathan, made him hard, made him hurt.
We all have scars, some deeper than others. I have to let down my walls and let go of my fears if I ever want to be happy with anyone.
With Nathan.
With myself.
I don’t know if its love we feel for each other, maybe someday.
For now, all I can do is offer him the pieces of me that are left.