“Well, are you, Katie? Are you just going to give up on Kai because he kept one secret?”
“That’s a pretty damn big secret, Penny. I won’t be with someone who can’t be honest with me. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me.” I wipe at my tears and blow my nose.
Grabbing my bags, I start shoving my clothes inside. Penny sits on my bed watching and questioning me. “You aren’t even going to hear his reason why? Aren’t you at least curious?”
“Stop talking, Penny,” I snap at her.
“Why because you can’t handle the truth? There is a little girl out there who thinks you hung the moon, and today is her birthday, and her world may be about to be turned inside out. You are being a selfish brat, Katie Francis.”
I stop packing and think about what she is saying. I throw myself backwards onto my bed. “I just…he lied to me, they all lied to me. Besides, Kai is going to be touring and recording, he doesn’t have time for me as it is. It’s too much, Penny. I just graduated today. This isn’t the kind of problems most eighteen year olds go through. I won’t be the girl that ruins his chance at making it big. And I will not be the reason Khloe gets her life as she knows it to be screwed up.”
“Does Kai being Khloe’s dad change the way you feel about him?”
“I’d like to hear the answer to that?” Kai says from my doorway looking ravaged.
“I’ll call you tomorrow okay?” Penny gives me a small hug and I nod.
She squeezes Kai’s shoulder as she passes by him. He still hasn’t come all the way in my door.
“Are you leaving?” He stares at my half-packed bags lying on the floor. His hands are balled up into tightly clenched fists.
“You lied to me, Kai. Would you have ever told me?”
“I wanted to so many times. You have to know that it wasn’t about hurting you…I was protecting Khloe.” He takes a deep breath, and I can tell he is trying to hold back his tears.
“From what, Kai? You know what I think? You didn’t want your dirty little secret getting out to the press.” That was mean, but I can’t help it. I am so hurt right now.
He doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t stop me as I continue shoving my clothes in my bags.
“I have a flight in five hours, Kat. I won’t get on that plane if you tell me to stay.” He sounds as desperate as I feel.
“Get on the plane, Kai. I hope you top the charts with your single.” I wish I didn’t feel this way right now, but I do.
He tries to grab my hand, and I pull away. I have to end this now, before he hurts me any deeper. A strangled sob escapes my throat when I hear those three words that break me, shattering my heart completely.
“Killing me, Kat,” he says hoarsely.
“I. Can’t. Kai. I’m sorry,” I say each word through my sobs. The words are gutting me, but I have to stay strong. Kai Cooper isn’t going to get the best of me.
“Can’t or won’t?” He says, with his voice cracking, trying to choke back his own tears.
“Maybe both,” I say, trying to stay strong, the words cutting my tongue like glass the second I say them. I have to look away from his tear-streaked gaze.
He steps aside as I walk passed him and out the door. I can’t look back, or I will lose what little courage I have.
I hear his fist smashing against the door, as a guttural, “Fuck,” rips from his throat. Then I hear him tossing things inside of my room, losing it. Glass shatters, and I have to keep walking away. I have to stay strong. I can fall apart once I get out of here, away from him and his lies.
When I reach my car, Khloe is in the front yard running through the sprinklers with her friends from school, without a care in the world. I hope she never loses that feeling. I hope Raven and Kai do what is best for her, whatever that might be.
Driving away fro
m Kai Cooper is the hardest thing I have ever done. But if I don’t leave, I know that I will only stand in his way. If I had told him not to get on that plane, I know that he would have stayed and gave up his future for me. I won’t be the reason he loses his dream. I won’t be the reason that little girl learns her brother is really her dad.
I don’t need to hear his reasons. He could have been honest with me. But he wasn’t. I tried so many times to get him to open up to me. I gave him all of me. I shared my secrets with him, but he couldn’t be open with me in return.
Tears blind my sight as I drive toward the town limits. I don’t know where I’m going, but I can’t stay where he isn’t, and I can’t be near here and be reminded of him either. Nothing will ever compare to Kai Cooper and the love I feel for him. He owns me, but I need to own myself.
So, I just drive and when my phone rings, I turn it off, shutting out everything and everyone. I know it’s him and I can’t talk to him. If I do, I will turn this car around and drive straight back to him. I crank up my stereo, and I drive and cry. Eventually, I pull off for gas and call Penny, so she at least knows I am okay.