I get Jimmy out of the car and yup, he’s tired. He keeps rubbing his knuckles over his eyes until he sees Shawn. Then it’s like he has his second wind. “Shawn!” The name comes out sounding more like Thawn.
“Little dude.” They share a fist bump and Shawn gives him a candy cane from the inner pocket of his cut. Jimmy runs ahead of us up the stairs that lead to the apartment. Shawn walks with me. Outside of my door is a real pine tree and shopping bags.
“What’s all this?” I look at Shawn and he wears a guilty smile.
“I have no idea. Looks like there is a card here for Jimmy.” He plucks a red envelope from thin air in Jimmy’s eyes, but I know Shawn planned this. I unlock the door and flip on the living room light. Jimmy is holding his hand out for the card. Shawn gives it over and Jimmy quickly rips it open even though he can’t read all the words. I need to get him back in preschool.
“What’s it say?” I prompt him to try to read it.
His eyes move back and forth, scanning the letters. A big smile crosses his face and his green eyes light up with pure joy. “Santa!” He cries.
I take the card and read it aloud. “Dear Jimmy, I know you have been such a good boy for your Momma this year. My elves thought you deserved a special tree this year all the way from the North Pole. Your friend, Santa Claus.”
“Let’s get it in here and decorated. Think you’re strong enough to help me get it in the door?” Shawn asks Jimmy and winks at me as my boy nods eagerly. I can’t help but smile even though I feel shitty on the inside. I have to put on a brave face and go on with my life.
I watch the two of them laughing and having a good time dragging the bushy tree through the door. Shawn appears so proud as he gets the tree on the stand. I get some water while Jimmy does his best to bring in the shopping bags. My kid is so eager and full of Christmas magic. The sight brings a tear to my eye. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to buy a tree and everything to go on it. Moving into this apartment set me back. I had to pay deposits on all the utilities. Shawn wanted to help but I wouldn’t let him. Me and my stupid pride but he knows I wouldn’t say no to this because of Jimmy. The sentiment is sweet.
He catches me wiping my eye. His shoulder bumps against mine. “I never forgot that you always wanted a real tree.”
My mind drifts back to a long time ago and being ten years old. Shawn was fifteen and I had thrown a tantrum because we had a tiny plastic tree that wobbled on the table. You couldn’t even put anything under it and the only decorations was the popcorn strings that Shawn helped me make and my paper snowflakes. Charlie Brown’s tree in the Christmas special looked better than ours. Anyway, his old man, my stepfather got tired of my whining, tossed it out in the snow then lit it on fire. That was one of the worst holidays but also one of the best. To make up for it Shawn got some paint and painted a tree on the back wall of my closet for me. I think that was when I started to fall for him. He was my one tiny flicker of good in a world of bad.
And after all this time here he is again giving me something to smile about when I am feeling like my world is falling apart.
Chapter 3
—Uno
I watch Melissa run out of my hospital room and acceptance for what I can’t change washes over me. Letting her go was the right thing to do even if it hurt me to do so. There’s a new life waiting for me in Texas with Stephanie. I know she’s a crazy ass bitch but at the end of the day that woman is my crazy bitch and she will do anything to keep me. Even fake a DNA test and give me fake ass fucking cancer. Stephanie isn’t the only one who knows how to bribe people to get what she wants. I knew she was capable of some shady shit, but I never imagined her going this fucking far. That kid in her belly isn’t mine. Belongs to that cop she fucked behind my back but in the end it doesn’t matter. Melissa and her kid are better off without me and as hard as I fight against it, I do love Stephanie. It’s a fucked up mad love but it’s real. I feel it deep inside me to my very core. The woman is in my veins and I can’t even bleed her out. She’s a part of me. For better or worse, I love her.
I could have said no to Steph. I could have stayed here and fought to be with Melissa, but truth is I’m not the man for her. Stephanie needs me. She’s got a target on her back and I will do whatever I can to keep her safe. I was resigned to the fact that we were over but when she pulled through for me in the end with Tiny, something inside me started to change. I remembered that for most of my life she was with me ride or die. She always had my back and I stopped having hers and that’s where I went wrong.
I made mistakes and damn if she hasn’t made them too. I just wish she could believe in the love I feel for her. She didn’t need to go to such fucking extremes to keep me. When I got shot it made me see things in a different light. I thought I was a dead man and while Melissa did cross my mind it was Stephanie that pulled me back a second time. Am I pissed at her? Fuck yeah, I am angry that she is up to her old bullshit of lying and scheming. I will deal with her in my own way in my own time.
First, I have to get better enough to be released.
Then it is game fucking on.
Texas will be a new beginning.
Chapter 4
—Cocky
I have always loved Melissa. Time and circumstances kept us apart, but now I have her back in my life and I will do whatever it takes to make her mine. I stepped back and let her explore her feelings for one of my brothers, but I wasn’t counting on her falling for him. I can see the hurt in her eyes though she tries to put on a brave face. I’ve waited years to be her man I can wait as long as it takes for her to realize that there will never be anyone else who will love her the way that I do. Every single day I will show up for her in some way to let her know that I care and that I am going to do everything within my reach to prove to her I am making up for the past. I can’t go back in time and change the past, but I can damn sure shape our future.
“This was really great of you. The tree. The card from Santa, but Shawn, it’s too much. I can’t give you anything in return.”
“I didn’t do it because I want anything from you.” I squeeze her hand in mine. “No.” I shake my head. “That’s a lie. All I want is this right here. Your time. Being a part of your life and getting to give you new memories and to do something special for Jimmy. It’s your first Christmas here. I want it to be memorable.”
“And here I was worried that prison changed you. You’re still just as sweet as you ever were. Maybe sweeter.”
“Don’t go around telling anyone. I have a reputation.”
“Thanks for this.”
“Don’t mention it. I did it for the little dude.” I move off from the kitchen and start stringing the lights while Jimmy and Melissa busy themselves with opening the ornaments. The kid cracks me up. Keeps hanging his decorations in clusters and Melissa goes behind him spreading them out. When it gets time for the star, I pick him up so that he can place it on the top. I give Melissa the honor of lighting the tree. I told her I only did this for Jimmy but that’s a lie. I think she knows that though.
It’s getting late and I can tell Jimmy needs to get to bed. I grab my cut off the back of the couch and shove my arms through the holes.