“As bad as you want me to be.”
“That’s my girl.” He kisses me long and deep. I can feel Uno’s eyes on us, but I ignore him. He made his choice and I made mine.
Shawn’s hand comes down on my ass and squeezes tight. “Let’s go home. All I want for Christmas is your pussy. Want you riding my face.”
My insides quiver at the thought.
We get Jimmy and go back to the apartment. Shawn truly went overboard. It’s too much but it makes me thankful and grateful for him in my life. Jimmy sits cross legged on the floor practically squirming out of his skin with excitement. There’s the big red fire truck he’s been begging for with a bow on top. My man thought of everything. I’m doing good not to cry until Jimmy runs to his room and brings me a poorly wrapped box.
“He wrapped it himself and paid for it with his own money,” Shawn tells me, and my son has a look of pure pride on his face waiting for me to open the box.
“Thank you, Jim Jam.” I kiss the three freckles on his nose.
Chapter 11
—Unknown
Look at them acting all cozy. Appearing like a perfect little family around the Christmas tree opening their presents. Melissa disgusts me. She is nothing but a whore. She moves from one man to the next. She uses them for what she can get then drops them. She’ll learn that you can’t get away with being such a dirty cunt. I’ll teach her. I wanted to grab her tonight but it’s too soon to make a move. Not much longer though. Everything is almost in place to make her disappear.
I flip through the envelopes in the box I stole from her apartment and pluck one out.
Dear Lissa,
Every day I go without seeing your sweet smile or hearing your voice is pure hell. I miss you so damn much. My heart aches for you. It aches so bad, I wish I could claw it out of my chest, so I could stop feeling and then maybe I could stop dreaming of you. Stop wanting you. Stop loving you and hating myself for fucking everything up. I can’t fix things right now but one day I will make amends for letting you down and for losing you. I know you are doing what I asked, moving on and living your life. My life is shades of grey and orange. One day I will no longer have to close my eyes to see your face. To hear your voice.
Until then I will go on loving you and hating me.
I’ll love you forever,
Shawn
–––—
Dear Lissa,
I thought I was unbreakable, but I’m broken. I can’t keep on like this. Staring at these walls wanting to break them down and find my way to you. I haven’t gotten any letters from you and I understand why but if there is anything worse than not seeing your smile or hearing you say my name, it’s losing your words. Not getting your private thoughts and the sweet things you save only to share with me. I miss lying in my bed and holding you while you told me of all the things you wanted in life. Where you wanted to travel. Foods you wanted to taste. Adventures you wanted to have with me.
I am afraid that one day soon I am going to lose what last bits I have guarded in my heart of you. One day you’ll fade away and I will have completely lost all I hold on to. You probably already forgot all about me. I reached out to a contact and he told me that you’re with someone and I can’t tell you how bad that killed me. I feel shredded that I’m not the one getting to taste your lips. That I won’t be your first. I don’t expect you to keep your promise, but I didn’t expect it to be so easy to break either.
Dying in here without you, baby. Dying without you period.
I’ll love you forever,
Shawn
—––—
Dear Lissa,
Tonight I dreamt of you. You were naked in my bed wearing nothing but a strand of pearls. Your perky tits were aching for my touch as you teased me. You were touching yourself between your thighs and fuck me if I didn’t wake up hard and have to settle for my hand. I want you so damn bad. You’re all I can think about. Every night. Every damn day. All I can think of is coming home to you. Claiming you and telling the rest of the world to fuck off. If I could burn down these prison walls I would. I’d set the world on fire to be with you. You’re my favorite girl.
I’ll love you forever,
Shawn
I crumble them up as I read them and throw them into the fire. Meaningless words. They don’t belong together. They never have. I’ll see to it that this fairytale life they are creating gets blown to bits. Nothing will be left of Melissa when I am through but dust and bits of bone.
Chapter 12