I know what he says is true, but he doesn’t know for sure what Justin wants.
“I hear you and I need time, Shawn.”
He brushes his lips over mine and I allow him to kiss me like he used to, but part of me can’t stop thinking about Justin. Shawn moves his tongue, delving between the part of my lips. It would be easy to allow myself to get caught up in the moment and let things go further than they should, but I put a hand to his chest and push him back.
“We can’t.”
He lets out a heavy breath. “Okay. I’ll go for now, but I’m not going to stop fighting for you, Lissa. I won’t ever stop.”
He gets up from the couch and goes to the boxes he just brought in minutes ago. He takes the top one and brings it over to me.
“Just because you didn't receive my letters, doesn't mean I wasn’t writing to you every day.” He drops it on the coffee table and leaves.
Tears fall down my cheeks as the door closes behind him. It takes me a few minutes to get the courage to open the box.
He wasn’t lying, there are hundreds of letters inside the box. I pull a bundle of envelopes out. There are stacks of them, all addressed to me and dated. I hold the first stack to my chest and fall back on the couch unsure if I am able to open them. Unsure if I want to go back to the past by reading them. But I know I owe him that much.
I think back on his kiss…all the nights I lay in his protective arms feeling like all was right in the world. I loved him. He was my first love. The first person to ever care for me. The first man who told me I was beautiful. I always dreamed we would run away together. That we would live the life we never got growing up, but we were young and dumb.
I don’t want to go back to being that naïve girl. I was her for far too long, but still there is part of me that wonders if there is still something between us or if there could be.
My mind drifts to Justin and I smile. He could be my future. I thought we were finally in a good pl
ace and building a solid foundation, but Stephanie came back and now everything is fucked. I open the first letter and instantly Shawn’s words make me cry for the love that we lost…for the love he still feels.
Chapter 20
—Uno
Hades is furious, but he understands that we did what had to be done. Tiny had brought his hand down on us and squeezed our necks one time too fucking many. I know I will deal with his wrath later for what I did, but I will pay the price. Reaper enters the room last, wearing a smug look of satisfaction on his face, carrying a box. Stopping at the other end of the table by Rebel Black, he places the box on the table in front of the man.
“What’s this?” Rebel asks with a bored look on his face.
“You told me you’d give me your blessing to marry Harley when I brought you the head of Tiny Leone. I came to deliver.”
Rebel takes one look inside the box and grins. “So the bastard is really dead.” He strokes his greying goatee. He looks at his brother, Striker, and he nods toward Reaper.
Reaper grins with pride knowing that Rebel gave him his word.
“I gave you my word. You have my blessing but if you ever make her unhappy I will kill you with my bare hands.” Reaper nods and takes his seat next to Cupid.
I’m still feeling rough as fuck, but I am out of the hospital and being driven mad by Stephanie. I don’t know what I am going to do with the crazy cunt. She says she is pregnant with my son. I want to be happy about the fact, but I don’t trust her. I don't know if I can believe anything she says. The woman is manipulative. She was able to con an evil but highly intelligent monster like Tiny Leone into marrying her. He trusted her with his deepest secrets and she used them against him. His daughter is now under Stephanie's care and remains in school in Georgia. She will be eighteen soon and will receive her trust fund. I’m sure Stephanie can’t wait to be rid of the responsibility. The rest of Tiny’s organization is in Stephanie’s hands. She says she doesn't want anything to do with that shit, but here I am at this meeting representing her interest because she says she trusts me.
I know she wants us to try again, but while she was gone I moved on with Melissa. Stephanie being back shouldn’t change that, but it does. I’m confused, and I don’t know what to do. I want the baby and know I don’t have to be with Stephanie to help raise him, but I grew up in a loving home with both parents until my Mom passed away. I want that for my kid. Melissa is a good Mom to Jimmy though and I have no doubt she’d treat my kid as good as her own. However, our relationship was just getting started and I have a history with Steph. I’m broken from my thoughts when Hades kicks me in the shin. “Are you good with that?”
I blink my eyes a few times. I’m tired and need to take a nap. The doctor wanted to keep me a few more days but I was tired of laying in that fucking hospital bed and walked out. “I’m sorry. Good with what?”
“My boys taking over in Texas. Cleaning up the cartel mess that Tiny left behind. My sons will run the new Texas chapter and will welcome any of your members that you wish to send and look after all of our interests. Unless, that is, if you are planning on stepping into Tiny’s overpriced shoes.”
Axel and Abel are itching to get started building the new charter from the ground up, but shit doesn’t happen overnight.
“Sounds good to me. The less I have to do with his bullshit the better,” I tell him.
He gives me a chin lift and he and Hades continue discussing the terms of the moonshine trade in Texas and what it will mean for our club with the BRRMC taking the territory left by Tiny’s demise but accepting any members we want to send them. I tune it all out, unable to get Stephanie and Melissa out of my head. Do I take a chance with Melissa and see where things go, or do I try to work things out with my ex-wife who carries my future, my son in her womb?
I walk out of church feeling lightheaded as I lean against the side of the building. Riding my motorcycle to Kentucky days after I walked out of the hospital isn't the smartest thing I have ever done. A sharp pain stabs through my chest and Boogeyman grabs me under my arm as my legs give out beneath me.
Stephanie