My face goes red. “Ew. That’s my step-brother. I don’t need to hear that.”
“Just saying.” She bumps my hip with hers and I think I am really starting to like it here in Webb Hollow.
We finish preparing the omelets and toast. A couple of prospects come to the kitchen to carry the food out to the bar, so everyone can help themselves. I get Jimmy and me our plates and get us seats at a table in the back out of the way. My step-brother spots us and joins us. No sooner than he has sat down Carmen makes her way to us and Shawn gives me a desperate, help me, look. I simply grin taking a hearty sip of coffee. He’s on his own there.
Carmen keeps the conversation off me and keeps asking Shawn all sorts of questions about working for Reaper at the construction company until he finally excuses himself. Shawn has never been big on small talk. The front door opens, sunshine spilling in but the air that follows is cold. Hades walks in with Uno and I think Boogeyman. None of them appear happy.
Uno manages to find me across the room and immediately he shoots me a wink and a smug grin, flashing his teeth at me. The men continue through the room, going down the hall to the office I suppose. Carmen gives me a look and I shake my head. “It’s nothing.”
“The way he was looking at you…girl that wasn’t nothing. That was, oh yeah I can’t wait to see you shaking that ass tonight.” She laughs and touches my arm.
“You’re crazy.” I shake my head. Carmen has other stuff to do and promises she will come to my room later to grab Jimmy before she goes home. I’m nervous about leaving him with her. Not because I don’t trust her but as nice as she seems, I don’t know her that well. But…if I want this job, which I do, I gotta suck it up.
I look around the room, not knowing anyone else here at the moment. Sara’s friends are all old ladies and they don’t spend their time hanging around here all day. If it were nicer out I would take Jimmy to the park, but it is looking like a day of just the two of us hanging in our room watching cartoons.
A prospect comes by my table to take our dirty dishes to the kitchen and he lingers, asking me if I am seeing anyone. I shake my head and start to tell him I’m not interested when a hand clamps his shoulder and a gravelly voice tells him, “Get the fuck away from my sister. She’s not here for you to stick your dick in.”
“Jesus, Shawn. You could be a little nicer,” I snap after the guy scrambles away.
“I don’t like that fucker and he needs to know his place. None of these bastards will never, and I do mean never come near you in that way. We understood?”
I roll my eyes at him. “Yeah, He-Man. I hear you. But you brought me here, and I am going to talk to people. I’m not a deaf mute who doesn’t want to socialize. I’m allowed to make friends and have a life. I’m not a kid anymore.”
His palms come up. “Just looking out for you. I know these fuckers. They want to fuck you and rub it in my face just to be assholes.”
“Nice friends you have,” I sneer at him and notice everyone staring at us.
“Well ex-fucking-scuse-me for not wanting my club brothers diddling my sister.”
“Step-sister,” I remind him. “We aren’t blood, Shawn. Your prick of a father married my Mom when I was eight and you were thirteen. We lived together for like four years. Don’t pretend that we had some great childhood and that you are just looking out for me. This is only about your pride, Cocky.” I throw his road name out just to spite him, knowing it will piss him off.
He gives me a dirty look and a shake of his head as I tell Jimmy we are going upstairs. “This conversation isn’t over,” he threatens.
Moving into his space I go up on my tiptoes. “I’m not a little girl anymore, Cocky. I appreciate that you got me here, but I can take care of myself. You don’t have to fight all my battles. I’m a big girl and I did okay when you left. I did just fine when you went to prison.”
His gaze moves up and down my body and my cheeks flame at the way he is looking at my chest. “Yeah.” His throat bobs as he swallows some of his pride. “I can see that. But, Lissa…,” he uses the nickname he gave me as a kid and tears threaten to fall down my cheeks. “I never forgot about you…life just got in the way. I was always coming back for you.” His fingers brush my hair back and this conversation is way too private to be having out here in front of the club.
I spin on my heels and stomp up the stairs dragging Jimmy with me as my tears break free. I thought we left those thoughts and feelings in the past where they belong. The part of me, the young girl who longed for Shawn to come back and take care of me died when he went to prison and forgot all about me. He came back for me but too little too late. We both agreed I thought when I received his one and only letter he ever sent me when he was in prison. Back in the privacy of my room, I grab my purse and sit on the bed. Jimmy is on the floor playing with his cars. I pull out the letter, transporting myself back in time.
Lissa,
I am sorry it has taken me so long to write to you. I got your letters. It’s just hard knowing you’re back home and I am in this Godforsaken place and unable to be there for you. I’ve been putting this letter off for some time now. Prolonging what we both knew would happen once I was sentenced. I was waiting for the day you’d turn eighteen and I could take you away, but I fucked up and ruined everything.
It’d be better if you forget all about me. Don’t wait for me. Go out and live your life. Do whatever it is you want to do, but don’t write me. At least not for a while. I can’t bear it and I don’t want to do something stupid and add to my sentence. One day I will find you again and you will be glad I went to prison and that you never gave yourself to a bastard like me. Because I sure as fuck don’t deserve you.
I miss you. I will always miss you. I miss the way you’d smile at me. I miss you crawling into m
y bed at night after your mom left for work because you were scared. I miss you sticking your cold feet on me for warmth. I miss your hands laying on my stomach as I sleep. The fruity smell of your hair in my face…I miss it all. Even when you were being a mouthy brat who followed me everywhere. Though where I am now and where I am headed you can’t come with me.
It’s for the best.
Shawn
I fold the letter up and tuck it back in my purse. I never did have the heart to throw it away. All those old feelings came rushing back at me downstairs when he was yelling at me. I thought I was past it all. I thought I could come here, and we’d be cool with each other, but I was wrong. I need to go dance at the Cherry Room now more than ever. I don’t want to go back in time. I only want to keep moving forward.
When Shawn got sent away…I was devastated, and I fucked my life up. I got on drugs and involved with Jim. I don’t blame Shawn for what I did, but that letter, when I first received it—it fucking crushed my soul.
He broke my heart.