“I think you gave him better than he deserved.”
I shake my head.
I’m the one who should be dead. Not Kristen.
I stand, and Shelly goes to follow me, but I push her down by her shoulder and she winces.
“Five miles from here there is a police station. When I get far enough away I will call in an anonymous tip.”
“What? No,” she protests. “I’m staying with you.”
“You deserve better than I can give you. I’m no better than my old man and if you stay with me you’ll end up like Kristen.”
“I don’t care about the past. You aren’t your father. You’re a good man.” She clings to my hand.
“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be. I’m trying to do the right thing here.”
“What about what I want? Do my feelings matter? Do I get a say so?”
“You think you know me, but you don’t.”
“I know you…I know what’s in here…” Her other hand moves to cover my chest where my heart would be if I had one.
I jerk from her hold and turn my back on her. Every step I take away from her kills me a little more on the inside. The broken look on her face. I put it there. It’s etched in my mind. To serve as a reminder of who I am and what I do.
“Charlie!” She screams my name, but it falls on deaf ears.
I get on my bike and drown out the sound of her cry as I rev the engine.
Every mile I drive I see a flash of her smile in my head. The way she looked at me as though she loved me. The way she felt when I fucked her. The taste of her lips. It all plays on a never-ending loop.
I make it two more miles down the road before I turn back for her.
Chapter Twenty-three
—Shelly—
I don't think I have ever known such pain as I am feeling when Charlie turns his back on me. My chest feels like my heart is going to beat straight out of it, but I am too hurt...too angry to shed anymore tears. The first cut was the deepest. When he said he wasn't good enough. He thinks he doesn't deserve to be loved. Not by anyone. Not by me.
He’s still that lost little boy in need of affection. I thought I could be enough to save him from himself. But he is dead set on destroying anything good that comes his way. I can’t save him if he doesn't want to be saved. I thought when he opened up to me it meant he was ready for the love I want to give him.
Only that’s not what it was at all.
It was goodbye.
Hugging my chest, I start walking. The cool night air whips around me as trucks breeze past me on the freeway.
How could he just leave me here?
I thought we had something special.
That I was special to him.
I hear the rumbling of a motorcycle and what’s left of my heart falls to my feet when I see that it isn’t him coming back to tell me he made a mistake. Every step I take I feel more distance being put between us. One step closer to losing my mind.
A truck slows to a near stop behind me. I turn, being blinded by the lights.
The silhouette of a man appears to lean out the window