“When was the last good sleep you had?”
“Before you drove to Tillamook without me. A couple days before, actually, because I knew the Saturday when you came down in the middle of the night that I’d fucked up, that you had suspicions. I’m so fucking sorry, baby.”
I sigh. “It’s in the past. I think we’ve both learned from it.”
Pain slashes across his features. “You learned the wrong thing. To be suspicious of me.”
“Well, you learned some things, too, I think. That certain things might seem like a good idea in theory but can be pretty harmful. Let’s skip the movie. I’m sleepy.”
“You still mad at me?”
“No.”
“You still hurt?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I want you to get some sleep, okay? We had a good night. I don’t want you stressing about stuff.”
“You sure you don’t want to watch something? You told me you started your Christmas movie rotation late.”
“We’ll have all day tomorrow to watch movies. I’ll be spending the day cleaning and cooking for company tomorrow night.” I snuggle in.
“Wouldn’t have had to clean if you’d let Patricia come do her job that we pay her to do,” he grumbles.
“She had stuff to do to get ready for Christmas,” I defend. “I hope she likes the present I bought her. A day at the spa.”
“I already gave her a generous Christmas bonus.”
“Well, that’s from you. This is from me.” I stick my tongue out. “I bought one for Alana, too. They can go together, have a sister day.”
“Alana, too? Sheesh. You’re generous.”
I smile. “Well, I got the job offer letter in my email this afternoon from Peter. I can’t believe the money they’re offering me.”
“Yeah? You gonna take it?”
“Yep, I think so. I’m thinking on it until after Christmas.”
“If you do, you’re gonna rock it, baby.”
We snuggle up together and he yawns.
“I had Tony pay a visit to Shara. Warned her not to fuck with you again.”
I stiffen. “You did what?”
“Believe me, we do not need that bitch tryin’ to get back at you. She’s bein’ watched.”
“Killian!”
“Deal with it.” He yawns.
“Are you joking?”
“Do I look like I’m joking?”
He does not.
I stare in shock. He nods, matter-of-factly.
“I can’t believe you. What did he say? What did she say?”
“Don’t worry about it.” He waves a hand dismissively and kisses my temple.
I blink a couple times and then turn the light off. I almost want to pick a fight with him, but I don’t. It’s my favorite time of year. And I want him to sleep.
Wait. I’m not going to keep pushing my wants and needs aside. That’s what I’ve always done, and I’m gonna stop it.
“I’m not about to pick a fight tonight, it’s been a good day, but do not wade into my career without my permission. I’m telling you this and I mean it.”
He says nothing.
“Killian?”
“You’re heard, baby,” he says gently.
“So, uh…” I draw circles around his shoulder with my index finger.
“So, uh, what?” he prompts after a minute.
“Forget it.”
“Talk to me,” he orders.
And I should. I should talk about what’s bothering me. Not to fight about it but so I can get a good night’s sleep, too.
“When does Ray get picked up to go to that other place?” I ask, thinking I’ll ask this one last thing before I drop it until after it’s over with.
“Day after Christmas,” he says and pulls me closer. “We’re almost through this shit.” He kisses my temple.
I bite my lip. I hope so. But I don’t have a good feeling.
“Still not sittin’ right with you?” he asks.
“I mean, a lot of things happening are less than ideal, but we’re doing what we need to do. And I’m sure he’d prefer being alive versus unalive. Let’s drop the subject so it doesn’t muck with our getting a solid night’s sleep.”
“Mm hm.” He yawns again. “Tomorrow, I want this ass you offered.”
I scoff. “I thought I got away with not having to do that.”
“You were the one that offered it. You wanna renege?”
“I’ve never done that before.” I whisper, trying hard to push away the chill of the unpleasant topic we were just discussing.
“No? So I get to take your ass virginity?”
“That’s right.”
“Mm. I wanna take it now.” He tries to roll me.
“No. No no. You get some sleep. You can have it tomorrow.” I attempt to pin his wrists together. He lets me.
I kiss his nose.
“Fine,” he mutters like he’s annoyed but then he rolls me to my side and spoons me, kissing the back of my neck. “But no reneging tomorrow.”
“Fine,” I say. “Tomorrow night after we watch The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, you can be the Bookie Who Stole Violet’s Butt Virginity.”
His body shakes with silent laughter and he kisses my shoulder.
46
Killian
It’s closing in on midnight Christmas Eve and the last of our guests have gone. Violet made enough food to feed an army. Appetizers, baked goods, a massive charcuterie board. But she barely ate any of it, not even the gingerbreads today. I’m looking forward to her appetite picking up.