But once we’re at the restaurant, an awkward silence settles in. It’s like we don’t know what to do if we’re not touching each other.
I’m about to suggest we could discuss various sexual positions we haven’t tried yet when Riggs says, “How did you come to be married to your ex-husband? I gather from things you and Janelle have said that he’s the world’s biggest asshole. And I don’t see you tolerating an asshole.”
I don’t know how to answer. I don’t know if I want to share this with him, because part of me is deeply embarrassed that I let myself fall for an asshole.
On the other hand, I have an immediate realization that I trust Riggs not to judge me in a harsh manner. It’s not something I could’ve said about him a few months ago when he was believing the worst about me because I was a rich divorcée.
I shrug, running my fingertip around the bottom of my water goblet, wet with condensation. “I was young and dumb. He swept me off my feet and convinced me to leave college for him. In hindsight, I think I always knew he was an asshole, but I was so dazzled by the lifestyle he offered, I let myself be subject to his abuse. It was such a shallow desire to have those things at the expense of my dignity.”
“Don’t be so rough on yourself,” Riggs says with a pointed look. “We all do things when we’re young that are regrettable and stupid.”
“Yeah,” I say softly. “But I wasted so much time on that loser. Time I’m finally trying to get back.”
“By finishing a degree first?”
I nod.
“Janelle told me you want to open up some type of nonprofit to help people and that you’ve been saving up all your alimony for that. Why don’t you just do that rather than mess with school?”
Fair question, one I’ve debated myself for many months. “I definitely have the ability to do it right now, but I need to finish what I started. Getting a college degree was my number one ambition before I met Jace, and he threw me off course. I made a terrible decision and tossed my goals away. I need to complete what I started for myself. I don’t feel like I can leave him truly behind and move forward until I do.”
Riggs is silent as he stares at me. It makes me feel like I’m under a magnifying glass.
I grimace at the tragedy of it all. “Pretty stupid, huh?”
A gentle smile plays at his lips. “Pretty admirable.”
We talk more about my vision for the charity I want to start. I learn more about how he became a hockey player, following his journey through college and his draft into the professional league.
Dinner is delicious, and from that point, our conversation never wanes. When we finally leave the restaurant, we decide to ditch the walk along the river and go check out my new lingerie. As we do best, we’re going to end the night making each other feel good.
But as Riggs opens the car door for me, I have to admit to myself that tonight is the night I really start to fall for him.
CHAPTER 19
Veronica
It’s midafternoon, we’re in the middle of a highly abnormal torrential downpour in Phoenix, and I’m taking a rare break to spend time with Janelle and Clarke at the bookstore. Janelle is on a teachers’ professional development day and I’ve finished my work for school, so I thought I would come hang out with them. Just because we’re in the desert doesn’t mean we don’t get rainstorms. However, a heavy one like this is uncommon in February. It tends to keep people indoors, and as such, we’ve not had a customer for over an hour.
Clarke put on some tunes, and we’ve been silly dancing and lip-synching to some pop star I knew nothing about until Janelle filled me in.
I watch Janelle bopping around, laughing with abandon, and I have an intense rush of fondness for her. I also have a surge of guilt, because she has absolutely no clue that I’m involved with her brother on an intimate level. Not that she needs to know the details of what we are, and maybe she doesn’t need to know anything at all… but it still makes me feel guilty.
Particularly after our date last night.
I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like Riggs and I crossed the line in the sand that we had drawn and both agreed to staying on that one side. But once we crossed, the very nature of our intimacy changed. Sex last night was like nothing I’d experienced before, and I know something magical is happening.
Sitting in a restaurant with him, sipping wine and eating delicious food while we talked and got to know each other better was not something I’d foreseen happening between us. I’m still trying to resolve within myself whether this is truly a good thing.