It feels strange being out of work so early, with the sun not yet even at its peak, with the city still quiet. I feel like I’ve been let out of school early, a whole surprise day ahead of me, and yet it’s quickly followed by a swelling of guilt.
I have bills, rent, life to pay for.
I spin on Madden, who stands with my laptop bag clutched casually in his giant’s hand, his glinting blues fixated on me. He’s wearing a shirt the same shade as his steel hair, his lips twisted somewhere between a smirk and a grimace.
My blood ignited when he strode over to Gerry, looming over him like he was going to break him in half. I’ve never been able to stand up to him, but Madden charged in there like my proverbial knight in shining armor.
But now reality is crashing into me.
“Jeez.” I let out a long breath. “Seriously, what am I going to do?”
“What do you mean?” he says, moving closer to me. “I told you what you’re going to do. Work on your writing. Focus on your talent.”
I wave a hand around, trying to fight the anxiety that is trying to drag me down. It’s like some evil force is pumping it through my body, as the enormity of what just happened slams into me over and over again.
I relive the moment I told my boss I was quitting, remembering how sassy I sounded only minutes ago, how ready to face the world.
And suddenly it all seems so ridiculous.
My throat tightens with panic and I let out a shaky sigh, curling my hands into tight fists.
“I have to go back there. I have to get my job back.”
He steps forward and places his hand on my arm, squeezing in that possessive way of his. It’s like my womb can feel all the signals of ownership his body is sending my way, triggering my desire to collapse against him. To believe all the crazy stuff he’s telling me.
“You don’t need that job,” he growls. “I’m going to provide for you, Maddie. Forever. I meant what I said. How can I prove that to you?”
I yank my arm away, my cheeks pricking with a self-conscious blush when a couple of pedestrians circle around us. A lady – older with a stern face and judgmental eyes – looks at me like I’ve just taken a big crap on the sidewalk, like arguing in public is the lowest of the low.
“It’s not just that,” I tell him. “My friend, my roommate, has a job there too. Gerry’s going to make her life misery for the way I just quit. I know he is. That’s exactly what he’s like.”
“Then how about this?” he says, his voice softer now, moving closer so his scent washes over me.
I want to sink into the scent of him, curl my arms around him and lay my cheeks against his chest. I want to listen to the thumping of his heartbeat against my ear and believe, simply believe without any of the self-doubting and hateful thoughts that insist on popping up in my mind.
I want to stomp down on that vicious voice inside of my head.
But instead, I stare up at him, waiting for him to go on, fighting the urge to avert my gaze…
Do I have to be ashamed? Do I have to be nervous?
No, my head screams. He’s your man. And you’re his woman. Accept it.
“I’ll give you a lump sum, to do with whatever you want. That way, you can help your friend if Gerry decides to play the asshole.”
I try for a smile. “He’s not playing. He just really is a dickhead.”
My man chuckles. “But what do you think?”
“You’d really do that?”
“Maddi.”
He steps forward and wraps his arms around me, pulls me in close.
I sink against the solidity of his chest hungrily, feeling like I’ve just returned to the warmth of our cave after too long spent on an icy cold tundra. It’s a crazy silly thought, but then that’s not saying anything new where we’re concerned.
Maybe it’s time I accepted the crazy, the silly, the should-be-impossible.
“I swear on my dead parents, my mother, and father. I swear I meant what I said. I want you. I need you. I tried my best to explain it, and I know I probably sounded insane.”
“But I feel the same,” I say quickly, reaching up and clawing onto his back.
“Are you sure it’s not just your crush?” he asks with his deep husky voice brimming with kindness, letting me know he’s only kidding, letting me know he knows it’s so much more than that.
“Nuh uh,” I say, giggling. It’s amazing how easily he can make me laugh, make us laugh. “When I saw you, I felt all the same stuff, all that need. For the future. Forever.”