‘No.’ He stood and moved until he was standing in front of her. ‘No, that’s simply not true. I ran that night because I came so close to doing the one thing I swore to myself I wouldn’t. I made myself a deal after the needle-stick injury—no sex. With anyone. I even threw out all my condoms and didn’t buy any more in case I was ever truly tempted. And I’d made it almost to the end and then you came along. And I was so close that night and if it hadn’t stopped where it did, I would have made love to you unprotected. A stupid thing to do at the best of times but with my potential to pass on a deadly disease?
‘I was shocked and angry at myself that I’d put you at risk. That I’d lost control.’ He stroked her cheek. ‘You assumed it was because of Dana and I let you believe that because it was easier than having to explain everything. But if you believe nothing else today, please, believe this—it had absolutely nothing to do with Dana.’
Carrie saw the honesty, the sincerity in his eyes. She believed him. ‘And this morning?’
He hesitated. ‘She’s wonderful. I adore her…’
‘But.’
‘I don’t know anything about being a father. About four-year-old girls. I’d probably just turn out like my old man and I wouldn’t wish that on any child. I don’t ever want to see that wonderful light in her eyes when she looks at me go out. I don’t want to start something I’d probably just screw up.’
Carrie swallowed a sudden lump of emotion and nodded. They’d both been burned by others. Still, it was good she was finding this out now before things had got too out of hand. Before her stupid heart had built castles in the air.
She wasn’t used to thinking such fanciful thoughts. Rupert had hurt her really badly and she’d shut that side of her down to concentrate on Dana and her career. She’d never even thought of the possibility that another man—that love—might come around for her again.
She nodded. ‘It wouldn’t work.’
‘Maybe if there wasn’t Dana. If it was just you and me and we started a family from scratch and I could learn about being a good father from the beginning. But I don’t want to ruin the beautiful dynamic that exists between you. I don’t want to be responsible for that.’
‘But there is Dana.’ Carrie backed away, the cold metal of the sink stopping her retreat.
Charlie nodded. ‘And the world is a richer place.’
She felt humbled by his words and absurdly like crying. She turned away so he couldn’t see the tears shining in her eyes and leant heavily against the sink. She blinked rapidly as she gazed out the window.
Charlie’s BMW sat in her driveway. It was the first time she’d seen it. Rupert had driven a Beamer. Another rich guy? What the hell had she been thinking?
‘Dana or no Dana, I doubt it have worked anyway,’ she mused.
Charlie raised an eyebrow. ‘Oh?’
‘We come from different backgrounds, Charlie.’ She turned back to face him, feeling stronger now that this horrible awkward morning-after couldn’t be laid squarely at her feet.
‘Your family is practically medical royalty. My father’s a taxi driver. My mother is a housewife. I have a sister who’s a hairdresser and has a market stall on the weekend where she sells her tie-dye designs. I have one brother who’s a mechanic and another who’s a plumber. I’m the only one who went to university and that was on a scholarship. I’m very definitely a girl from the wrong side of the tracks.’
Charlie could feel a flicker of anger building in his gut. ‘You think I care about any of that?’
‘You will, sooner or later.’ Carrie sighed. ‘Your grandfather was knighted by the Queen, for God’s sake. There’s a building with your surname on it, Charlie.’
‘Sure. And my grandfather is a snob, my father’s a cold, tyrannical bore, my mother was never around and my siblings are all egocentric, self-obsessed twits. I see you with Dana and I see how childhood and families are supposed to be. I would have traded our upbringings in an instant.’
Carrie snorted. ‘Well, that’s easy to say when you’re holding the proverbial silver spoon. When you were sheltered from the real world.’
Charlie ran an exasperated hand through his hair. ‘Have you seen where I work? My clientele is largely drug addicts, hookers and homeless kids. There’s nothing more real than that. Have you seen the car I drive?’
‘Would that be the BMW in my driveway?’
Charlie cursed under his breath. He’d not thought about how uncomfortable a flashy status symbol would make her. ‘The Datsun wouldn’t start,’ he said, running a frustrated hand through his hair.