"Neither have I recently. Not all the exhibits were there when I went through it. It's complete now, though, I understand. But what I saw was fascinating." Remembering the flag exhibit in a mirrored room, Alanna thought about the people who had immigrated to Minnesota from all over the world. "It doesn't deal with just the discovery of iron and its mining and development. It tells you about the people, too, their life, working the mines, in the summer and in the logging camps in the winter." She was talking rapidly, avoiding the issue that had brought them here.
"The people were mainly immigrants from Rumania, Yugoslavia, Germany, Norway, Sweden, England, Ireland, and many other countries. It was a melting pot of cultures, religions and languages. There's a film that tells some of the reasons why they came to America and their first impressions. Most of them couldn't speak English and were unaccustomed to the extremes of the Minnesota climate. Homesick—"
"Alanna," Kurt broke in impatiently, "it's all very interesting, I'm sure, but that isn't why I'm here."
"I know." She sighed reluctantly, turning to face him, then lowering her chin to stare at the ground. "I don't know where to begin."
"Try at the beginning," he suggested dryly. "Why did you marry Rolt if it wasn't for love or money?"
"Because I hated him." Again the usage of past tense gave her a momentary qualm. Before Kurt could make a remark, she hurried on. "I know Rolt gave you the impression that I'd been seeing him while I was going with you, but it wasn't true. He came over to the house once on a Sunday afternoon and that was the only time I saw him except when I was with you. There was disbelief in his gaze and it made Alanna impatient. "I was with you practically every night. I didn't have time to meet Rolt—unless you think I slipped out to meet him after you'd brought me home."
"All right." Kurt conceded the possibility she was telling the truth. "If you hadn't been seeing him, why did you go to his office that night?"
"Because he said he knew something about my parents."
"Your parents?" Her answer startled him.
Alanna breathed in deeply and began to explain about the financial problems her father had incurred, concluding with, "Rolt said he would help dad without him ever learning about it if I would marry him."
A spatter of raindrops fell. Kurt took hold of her arm. "We're going to get wet standing out here. Let's go to my car." With shoulders hunched against the scatter of fat drops Alanna hurried toward Kurt's car. Neither spoke as Kurt opened the passenger door for her and walked around to the driver's side. Rain pattered on the roof, the only sound for several seconds once they were inside.
"How do you explain that love scene I walked in on?" Kurt asked finally, sliding her a challenging look. "You weren't by any stretch of the imagination resisting him."
"No, I wasn't." Alanna stared at the twisting hands in her lap. "I haven't any excuse for that, except that your brother is very experienced at physically arousing a woman. It was an exercise to prove I wouldn't find his lovemaking unpleasant."
"Obviously you don't," Kurt muttered thickly, gazing straight ahead.
"I—I don't know." She shook her head, feeling the piercing swiftness of his gaze turning to her.
"Come on, now, Alanna," he growled beneath his breath. "You've surely had enough time to make up your mind by now."
She hesitated, pressing her lips together.
"There was a wedding, Kurt, but it isn't really a marriage."
"What are you trying to say?" He looked at her skeptically.
"We have separate rooms," Alanna murmured, lifting her chin with a trace of defiance as she flushed self-consciously.
"Rolt? My brother? He agreed to this?" Kurt frowned incredulously.
"He's waiting for me to come to him." She hooked a curl behind her ear.
"So far you haven't," he said, yet managing to put a question mark at the end.
"How could I—" The rest of the sentence remained in her throat. It should have finished with "—when I love you," but Alanna couldn't get the words out.
Her gaze desperately sought Kurt's face, trying to find the attraction she had once felt. Now it was the faint resemblance to Rolt that stirred her senses. She looked quickly away, blinking at the tears burning her eyes.
Kurt's hand touched her shoulder, gripping it gently to turn her toward him. He leaned forward, his mouth descending on hers. The burning ardor of his kiss ignited only a gentle flame of emotion, not the powerful passion that Rolt's kisses sparked. Her lashes remained lowered when Kurt set her away, hiding her disappointment and wishing she hadn't kept this meeting with Kurt. It wasn't fair of her to hurt him more.
"It isn't there, is it?" he said quietly. "What we once had," he added.
Alanna shook her head, keeping her chin lowered, as she acknowledged that he was right. She heard the regret in his voice and shared it.
"To be honest, Alanna," Kurt continued quietly, "that last week I thought something was missing. I had the feeling you were withdrawing from me each time I held you in my arms. That's why I was so ready to believe that you had been seeing Rolt on the side. It was easier somehow to think of losing you to him than just losing you because you didn't love me. It doesn't make sense, I know, but—that's the way I felt."
"I'm sorry, Kurt," she murmured. "I wanted to love you. I really thought I did."