There was no sympathy or comfort in Zohra’s voice. Only cold hard facts. Maybe if she had had a friend like this before, maybe if she had confided in someone…Nikhat smiled through the sheen of tears gathering in her eyes, appreciating Zohra’s coming all the way. “Thank you, Zohra.”
“I do feel safe in your hands. But I didn’t come for you. I came for him.”
“For Azeez?”
“I understand now why it killed Ayaan to see Azeez like that, why he was prepared to do anything for his brother.
“Because Azeez would too.
“He agreed to everything Ayaan set in front of him, he even agreed to bear your presence, despite his pride, so that I would feel better, didn’t he? I don’t like the look that has come back into his eyes. He is my brother, too, now, and my king. He has my loyalty, and my love.
“But if you go near him, make sure you know your mind, Nikhat. Because it’s not his acceptance you’re craving, is it?”
With that parting shot, Zohra left, leaving Nikhat reeling under the weight of her words. No one had ever spoken to her like that, ever cut through the pain she had surrounded herself with, so effectively.
For the rest of the afternoon, Nikhat went through her duties like an automaton. She visited a couple of patients in their homes, went through the inventory and finally went home.
Her sisters’ laughter and conversation surrounded her with its usual warmth yet she felt as if she was removed from it all, a deep freeze surrounding her heart.
A strange sort of fever gripped her, and yet fear held her back. She went in search of her father, the only choice left to her slowly gaining power inside her head. And with that came anger, too, and the strength to speak her mind.
She found him standing on the balcony, looking out into the streets of Dahaara.
He turned as she approached, frowning. “Nikhat? Is something wrong?”
She glared at him, the haunting desperation in her finding a target. Years of pain coated her cutting words, the freedom of finally making a decision lending her the strength to lash out. “You knew he’s going to be king. And yet you didn’t say a word. Are you so ashamed of me? Do I mean nothing to you?”
His mouth compressed, he blanched and she thought he would walk away without a word. But she wouldn’t let him.
Instead, he covered her hand with his. And tears gathered in her throat. “I have never wanted this grief for you, Nikhat.”
“No, all you wanted was for me to be average and traditional, but I’m not, Father.”
“You think I don’t know that?” He sighed deeply, something stark in his gaze. “I never quite learned how to protect you.”
Her gaze flew to him. “What are you talking about?”
“I know you blame me for your mother’s death. But I never wanted a son at the cost of her life, Nikhat. She did. She was obsessed with it, weaved dreams about what I wanted.”
Just as Nikhat had done. She sagged against the wall. She always thought that it had been her father who had wanted a son. And yet thinking back, he had never actually said that. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
Her father stared ahead and she instantly realized he was not comfortable talking about this. And yet he was making the effort. “You were twelve when she died, Nikhat. You were already grieving, taking on so many duties around the house. And later, I didn’t want to taint your memory of her.
“Why would I feel the need for a son when I had you, when in every way that mattered, you always helped me as much as you could?”
Shock reverberating through her, Nikhat shook her head. Lies, they had to be lies. But having lived away for so long, she had forgotten what a rigid, traditional man her father was. Had she expected him to be different just as she was now?
Clutching her hand tight between his, he met her gaze. And the pride and love she saw in those brown eyes that she had inherited, swept through her. “From the moment you were born, you were this bundle of wonder, Nikhat, unlike anything I had ever expected in a daughter.
“Like every other man in Dahaar, I thought you had very less consequence for me. I loved you as I do every one of your sisters, but you…you were a revelation.
“As you grew older, I had no idea what I would do with you, how to channel your intelligence, your thirst for more than I could provide. I was both afraid and so proud when King Malik commanded that you be educated by Princess Amira’s side.
“I despaired of how I would protect you, your happiness from the world, from your own expectations…” He exhaled a long breath. “And from Prince Azeez.
“As your father, that was my foremost duty to you, Nikhat. To protect you.