Ben bent his head, bringing it close to my ear. “What was that all about?”
I shook my head. “Trust me, you don’t want to know.”
He didn’t press the issue, and we moved on, following behind Elle as she weaved her way through the first the reptile house, before moving on to the rain forest a short time later.
It didn’t escape my notice that Ben and I walked together, side-by-side, and I also acknowledged his hand was on my lower back for much of the trip. I was too weak-willed to step away, and despite the chill in the air, not strong enough to cuddle closer. It was limbo, a different kind of torture. I wanted him, but I was afraid of wanting him. I was already growing closer to Elle than was probably wise, and I was destined for a double dose of heartbreak if and when Ben found himself in a relationship. If Elle had a new mother figure, she likely wouldn’t need a nanny, and I couldn’t imagine the torture of remaining in the Imperial and watching him with another woman.
Things were already a tangled mess, and maki
ng some kind of play for Ben would add more knots to the snarl. No matter how hard it was to hold myself back, to deny myself what I wanted, I had to—even though I was becoming more and more certain Ben wanted me as well. Even if he were attracted to me, I wasn’t naïve enough to think that it would last. Men like him grow bored with inexperienced virgins like me and would quickly move on, but it’s not like I would be able to do the same. I liked Ben a lot, and allowing the strong twinge in my core to persuade me into sleeping with him would just be crazy. I couldn’t risk this becoming something that I couldn’t stand to lose.
Don’t get crazy, Lindsay. I was still repeating that mantra in my head when Ben’s arm curved around my shoulder in what seemed to be an unconscious act. Absolutely sensible, I reminded myself as I snuggled closer.
When we stopped for hot chocolate, and his arm was still around me, I knew I was in dangerous territory.
Chapter 9
Ben
Things had been awkward with Lindsay ever since our almost-kiss at the zoo. Even days later she was shying away from me—maybe because I’d made an effort to steer clear of her too. The temptation was strong. It was worrisome enough to keep me from seeing her, at least for now.
If that weren’t bad enough, Elle’s guidance counselor called to set up a meeting. Lindsay took the message and passed it on to me here at the office. Margot agreed to stay late to watch my daughter, and Lindsay agreed to come with me.
It was just about time to pick up Lindsay at the apartment and I tossed a few things in my briefcase before heading out. Hector waited with the car, and I slid inside the back. I drummed my fingers on my case as we made our way home. I buzzed Lindsay a few minutes before arrival, and she was waiting for me when the car drew up. She’d been laughing at something Bill had said, and the sight of her made me catch my breath.
She was so fucking beautiful. She radiated innocence and sweetness—all the things Ashe wasn’t. At least she had never been those things when I’d known her, though she must have been at some point, I suppose. In the early days, she’d been good at hiding her addiction. The long hours I worked to build the company and elevate our lifestyle had helped her hide it as well. I knew she drank too much alcohol, but the heroin addiction blindsided me.
Lindsay could blindside me if I wasn’t careful. Not by being a closeted addict, of course, but she could knock me off my feet without even trying. I was already feeling more for her than I wanted to… something beyond attraction. I liked her, and I wanted to spend more time with her. That was a red flag. I had to withdraw from her as much as possible.
Which didn’t explain why I scooted a bit closer to her when she took a seat beside me in the limo. My determination to pull away should have kept me from asking about her day and chatting like old friends, though with a little lingering awkwardness, as we drove to the school. Awkwardness wasn’t the right word, I decided, as we pulled up to the wrought iron gates that were closed this time of day.
As Hector communicated for entry, I tried to pinpoint the right description.
Awareness.
Yes, that was it. We both knew it, and we couldn’t hide it. We could avoid discussing it, but that didn’t make either of us any less aware of the other’s desire.
Hector stopped in front of the school a moment later, and we slid out as soon as he’d opened the door. I caught a whiff of her hair, and it made me giddy. It was citrusy and something else. I wanted to wrap a tawny strand around my hand and drag it to my nose, but that would be strange, and I wasn’t so far gone yet that I couldn’t control my impulses.
Or most of them. I couldn’t resist resting a hand on her lower back. She stiffened for a second, but didn’t move away.
Mrs. Anderson waited for us in the lobby. She strode forward on overly high Prada heels, wearing a crimson power suit. My first impression of her was one of aloofness, and I wondered how she got the school kids to confide in her.
Her warm smile and friendly greeting quickly dispelled the first impression, and she led us to a conference room. I sat down and was strangely reassured by Lindsay’s presence beside me. She clutched the arms of her chair, and I realized she was as on-edge as I was. We were both anxious to discover the reason for the meeting.
Mrs. Anderson got right to it. “Elle hid in the janitor’s closet this afternoon instead of attending class.”
I blinked. “What? She played hooky?”
“But she’s only seven,” added Lindsay, looking as puzzled as me.
The counselor nodded. “She said she had a stomach ache, but when I asked why she didn’t go to the nurse, she didn’t really explain. After some discussion, she finally told me her stomach hurt because she was afraid.”
Anger sizzled along my nerve endings. “Why was she frightened? Is someone bullying her?” I would squash that little—
The woman hesitated for a second. “No. She’s afraid of losing someone she loves. I gather there was a recent divorce?”
I nodded, feeling defensive. “I tried to make it as smooth as possible for her, but there was a drawn-out custody battle.”