And it hurt. Whatever he did, however he thought about it, the pain wouldn’t go away. He wanted to make it go away. He wanted to shut off everything and go back. It was as though everything he’d always been able to control was rebelling, drowning him in it.
He had everything under control. He had a team of the best lawyers in the country to take on anything his mother threw at him. Yes, his company had lost some of its share value thanks to the scandal, but he had enough money that nothing was unrecoverable.
Then why did he feel so empty and weighed down? He’d restored his world to normality, but that sense of control that had always been his strength couldn’t shake off the void.
He grabbed the paperweight from his table and chucked it with all the force he could muster. An action he would have laughed at as juvenile, something he would’ve never done a month ago. The wall caved slightly under the impact, and he turned away to the French windows that revealed an uncommonly gray New York. He stood looking into the city, letting the cold creep into his skin.
Had she finally washed her hands off him, given up on him? Had she finally realized what a coward he was?
He stared at his image in the glass. Outwardly, nothing was different. But everything had changed inside. He let the truth he’d been fighting in, let it seep into his blood, sink into his cells.
He had thrown away the best thing that had happened to him because he was a damn coward, too scared to feel, too scared to take what he had wanted all his life.
He missed Olivia with a longing he had never felt before. It was a constant ache in his gut, a fist in his chest. He missed her mischievous laugh, he missed the way she challenged everything he said, he missed the way she didn’t let him get away with anything.
After everything he’d gone through the past few days, after everything he’d felt, he’d thought he was done. Only a tendril of fear curled itself around his heart now, stealing his breath, drenching him in a chill that had nothing to do with the temperature.
He, Alexander King, the man who had made millions through sheer will, the man who’d arranged everything in his life to suit him was scared that he was too late, that he’d lost the one woman who’d looked beyond the surface, the one woman who’d smashed through his barriers and made him feel something.
And this time, he didn’t even have the hope of picking himself up from this, because Olivia had gouged a hole in him, had wrenched a part of him away.
He was that seventeen-year-old boy again, hurting like hell, drowning in pain, mired in guilt.
He turned as the door opened. Carlos walked in, his expression revealing nothing. Before Alex could question him, the door opened a little more and in walked his mother. He had known this was coming, he’d been prepared for it. Yet it pulled at something inside him and he had no strength or control left to push it away.
“Hello, Isabella,” he murmured, tucking his hands into the pockets of his trousers. His mother looked stunning as ever. “Wise choice, not to bring Nick along. At least you will get a civil conversation out of me.”
She said nothing, only stared at him, her brown gaze raking over him.
He poured himself a drink and settled into the leather sofa in the adjoining lounge. “Could you just not resist the temptation to see me at my lowest?” The bitterness in his voice surprised even him.
Isabella stared at him warily, as though she was afraid he would just lose it. And the way he was feeling, she wasn’t far from truth. “Are you at your lowest?”
He stared into his drink, uncaring of what he revealed. “Yes. So, whatever you’ve come to do, do it fast and get out.”
She sat down on the couch, her beautiful face level with his. “I’m not your enemy, Alexander.” Two weeks ago, he could have crushed the pang that ran through him, he wouldn’t even have registered the note of concern that crept into her voice. It was a measure of how much had changed in his perception because of Olivia and it staggered him.
He studied her, the anger, the resentment he had felt so long ago seeping into him unchecked. His hand trembled as he took a sip. “You want to take Emily from me.”
She shook her head. “No, I don’t. I know it’s hard for you to believe but your father and I are different people now.”
He snorted, Olivia’s claim that people could change running through his head.
“I don’t want to drag you through a court battle. All I want is to see Emily and...you. I was getting desperate, yes... But...Olivia convinced me not to do anything rash.”