He reared back as if she had hit him. His nostrils flared, his jaw became tight. “You do not mean that.”
“He cooked a friendship with me, pretended to love me because I was an easy mark he could siphon cash out of. You proposed marriage, you bought me with a ring for the same reason. Ergo, you are just like Frank.”
A paleness seemed to pool beneath his olive skin. His hands folded, he shrugged. “If you can think that of me, you’re right. There’s nothing left between us to fix.”
Tears clawed up her throat, but she was damned if she would cry again in front of him. Her chest hurt, her limbs trembled. And suddenly Pia knew why it hurt so much, why it felt as if a part of her was being wrenched away.
Why even the worst words from Frank hadn’t given her a millionth of this pain. Why it was utterly important that she preserve her pride in front of Raphael while she had flailed like an idiot in front of Frank.
Because his betrayal felt like he’d taken her heart and pounded it into pieces. Because it felt like she would never stop loving him and yet she could never bear to live with him.
She wrapped her arms around herself. “Please tell your cohort that the engagement is off. I can’t bear to be near you right now. Tell Gio that I will see him again when he stops hanging that stock sign around my neck for every eligible man to look over. Maybe Gilda didn’t sacrifice herself for love, Raphael. Maybe she just wanted freedom from the Duke and her father. And that was the only way she could have it.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
YOU’RE NO BETTER than Frank.
Weeks after she had spoken them, Pia’s words burned holes through Raphael’s head.
For the first week or so, he had held on to the anger.
How could she even think that he was the same as that bastard who had deceived her, who had used her for his greed? If he was so low in her estimation, there was no point in them continuing the relationship.
By the third week, his anger had drained away and all that remained was a gnawing sensation in his gut. A burn in his throat. Dio, her accusations were a nail continually scraping at his flesh.
But even beneath the hurt, he knew the dread that she was right. At least from where she stood.
He could hardly sleep for the regrets that ate through him all hours.
Even after Frank had hurt her, Pia had never wished him harm. But she’d been so angry, so cynical that day.
So hurt by his actions…
His first thought of even having a relationship with her had begun with Gio’s proposal in mind. That he had felt guilty about it, just as she had perceptively realized, was also true.
As days had flown by in the buildup to their engagement party, and the more they were entrenched in each other’s lives, the more he had realized that she deserved so much that he could not give.
It was why he had withdrawn from her. Why he had struggled for the first time in his life with the idea that he was inadequate for the role he wanted to play. Nothing and no one had ever prepared him to receive such unconditional acceptance, such unadulterated affection.
And instead of telling her the truth, instead of admitting to his mistakes when she had confronted him, he had pushed her away.
I needed you, Raphael, so much.
The most important person in his life, and he hadn’t been there for whatever it was she had needed from him.
He wanted to cherish Pia; he wanted to give her everything she wanted. Dio mio, he wanted to be able to love her.
No, not just be able to…
He did love her. He’d been so caught up in his own insecurity that he hadn’t realized that he wanted her happiness above everything else in the world, even above his own.
Instead of telling her that, instead of sharing his crisis of faith in himself, he had alienated the best thing that had ever happened to him. Crushed the heart of the one woman, the only person who had seen the real him, who had loved the true him.
I want you, Raphael. Just you.
This time, her words filled him with elation, with energy. This time, instead of pulling away the ground from underneath him, he realized how fortunate he was to have found Pia.
How incredible it was that such a generous woman had seen something in him that was worth loving. That he had been given a chance to love her in return, to spend the rest of his life knowing that whether he succeeded or failed at another business venture, whether he remained hard and unyielding or not, Pia would always love him.