Her head began to swim. All the thoughts and feelings she’d studiously avoided and denied these past few weeks crowded in on her with a force that could no longer be ignored.
Was it coincidence she’d broken their relationship on the very day her dad had stood her up again, on her birthday, and after she’d spent two restless nights missing Raul, imagining all the beautiful women who would be on his radar?
Could she...?
Was it possible...?
She straightened.
Was it possible she’d sabotaged their relationship deliberately, out of fear? Because Raul had been right, this time round, once they’d got over their loathing of each other and started to forgive the past, their relationship had been better than she could have dreamed. It had been everything she could have wanted. Raul had been everything she could have wanted. They’d been completely at ease with each other. Honest. Without pretence. Equals.
And she’d thrown it all away.
What the hell was wrong with her?
Was she really going to let fear ruin the rest of her life?
Was she really going to let Raul pay for the sins of her father? Because surely that was where it all originated? A lifetime of feeling replaceable had crept into her psyche and made her believe it to be gospel. Rather than wait for Raul to leave her for someone more suitable, someone less replaceable, she’d run away.
But he didn’t want someone more suitable.
He wanted her.
He loved her.
She sat up straight, suddenly as certain of something as she’d ever been in all her life.
Raul loved her with all her imperfections.
She jumped to her feet, bouncing, then slumped back down as another thought occurred to her.
He might love her but she’d hurt him badly. His pride was enormous and she’d wounded it, not once, but twice.
He might not want to listen to her. Even if he did listen, he could still walk away.
Oh, get some backbone, she snapped at herself. If he walks away it’ll be nothing less than you deserve. You’ll still live.
Better to try than spend the rest of her life wondering what if.
But before she could do anything, she realised there was something that needed to be taken care of first.
She’d spent the years of their marriage searching for her self-respect. Somewhere in their short second time together, she’d found it. She didn’t know where or when but it had nestled inside her. And now she needed to claim it. Until she claimed it and embraced it, she would never be free to love Raul properly, as he deserved to be loved, and nor would she be free to accept his love as she deserved. Because she did deserve love. They both did.
Reaching for her phone, she dialled. After a few rings it went to voicemail. She dialled again. The same thing happened.
She would keep trying until her dad answered. After all, he kept his phone on him all the time when he was with her, holding it in his hands while they chatted, or on the table by his cutlery while they ate.
On the fifth attempt her dad answered. He sounded breathless. ‘Charley?’
‘Hi, Dad.’ She took a deep breath and plunged straight in. ‘I just wanted to let you know I won’t be coming to visit you on Thursday. I’ll wire the money you asked for but that will be the last of any money you’ll get from me. If you need any more, get a job.’
He spluttered down the line, his words unintelligible.
‘I’ve spent my whole life waiting for you,’ she continued. ‘I love you very much but I won’t wait any more.’
Swiping at her phone to end the call, Charley closed her eyes. After a few moments she opened them and expelled a long breath.
That had felt good. Sad, but good.
How could her father or anyone respect her if she didn’t respect herself?
Respect had to be earned and that included self-respect.
And as she thought all this, something else struck her, something that made her sit bolt upright and clutch at her heart...
* * *
Raul stood in the golden atrium of his new cruise liner, smile fixed to his face, shaking the hands of his guests as they were led through by his crew.
Charley was here somewhere. She’d been aboard since early morning, working with Ava and other members of his executive team to ensure everything was ready.
He hadn’t seen her yet.
He hadn’t seen her in the three weeks since he’d dropped her back at her tiny house.
He hadn’t spoken to her either. Other than the one email he’d felt compelled to send her when Ava had mentioned Charley was thinking of not coming, there had been no direct contact.
Soon the atrium was full, ladies beautiful in their fanciest dresses, the men dashing in their tuxedos, the heavy scent of perfume and cologne filling the air. He gritted his teeth and forced a welcoming smile as he saw his parents and sister arrive, Marta pushing their father’s wheelchair.