‘You even wear different clothes.’ He shook his head and breathed deeply, struggling to comprehend.
Dios. Even her clothing had been a lie.
‘What did I do that was so bad you couldn’t trust me with the truth about yourself or your feelings? Did I ever mistreat you in any way?’
‘Of course you never mistreated me...’
‘Then what? I loved you.’
Her eyes became pincers. ‘If you loved me as much as you say you did, then why did you try to change me?’
‘I didn’t try to change you.’
‘Well, that’s what it felt like,’ she said, a tremor carrying in her voice. She rubbed her forehead. ‘Before we’d even exchanged our vows you’d thrown tutors at me to teach me elocution and all that other stuff. You got your sister to take me shopping to all the best places, you hired me my own personal trainer and dietician... The only reason you went to all that effort was because I wasn’t good enough for you and your perfect family as I was.’
‘For the last time, I was trying to help you fit in.’
‘And why was that? It was because I didn’t fit in.’
He slammed his fist on the steering wheel. ‘I was trying to protect you!’
Astonishment crossed her features. ‘Protect me from what?’
‘From my world and the people who live in it. I didn’t want you in social situations where you felt intimidated or unable to hold your own.’
Silence rang out between them, the only sound their ragged breaths and the pounding in his head.
‘From now on, no more lies,’ he said when he felt more in control of himself.
‘They weren’t deliberate lies,’ she whispered. ‘I was just so desperate to fit in and make you proud. I was terrified you would meet someone more suitable and drop me like a hot rock.’
‘That would never have happened. When I married you it was for ever, not until someone better came along.’
‘But I didn’t believe it—how could I when I spent my whole life believing I was so insignificant my own father only wanted to see me when he had nothing better to do? That I wasn’t good enough to even deserve a mention to his other family?’ She blew air out of her mouth and rested her head back to gaze at the roof of the car. ‘How can you understand what that feels like when everything you touch turns into gold?’
He swallowed, her words like claws gripping at his skin.
Not understand how she’d felt? The boy who’d grown up having every tiny mistake and digression magnified under his father’s totalitarian disapproval?
‘I know what it looks like on the surface but my life hasn’t been totally charmed. I know what it’s like to feel useless and inferior.’
‘When have you ever felt inferior?’ she asked, twisting to face him, her eyes wide.
‘My father...’ He cut his words off and attempted to gather his thoughts. If he was demanding honesty from her, then it was only right he give it in return, however hard it was to get the words out. Without honesty, they had no future. ‘I could never please him. Nothing I did was ever good enough.’
Her brows drew together.
‘He was a cold, cruel man—a hard taskmaster. He had exacting standards he expected me to live up to and if I failed in any aspect then he made his displeasure known. I don’t remember doing anything that pleased him or raised a smile to his face. If he felt any affection for me he didn’t show it, whereas Marta could do no wrong. He doted on her.’
‘Is that because she’s a woman?’
‘Probably,’ he admitted with a sigh. ‘Just as your father treated you differently to your brothers. I struggled for a long time to live with the double standards and his disapproval of me.’
‘And now?’
He shrugged, clenching his teeth together. ‘And now he’s infirm. For years I wanted to take him aside and demand answers about his treatment of me but now it’s too late and I will never know.’
‘Can’t you ask your mum?’
‘There isn’t any point,’ he dismissed. ‘My mother always turned a blind eye to it. She turns a blind eye to anything that can be construed as negative. When I left home and set up on my own, her only concern was that I wasn’t going to do anything that would bring shame on the Cazorla name.’
‘That’s a huge assumption you’re making about her,’ Charley said softly. ‘She might surprise you.’
‘We’ll see,’ he said, non-committal. ‘The reason I’ve shared this with you is because if we’re going to have any kind of lasting future, we need to always be honest with each other. If you’d been honest about your feelings before, I would have understood, but I’m not a mind-reader.’