“How are you a chef and you haven’t tried this place yet,” Teddy asked in disbelief as soon as we were seated.
I shrugged. “I haven’t had the time. Or the energy.”
“That’s a shame, these burgers are the bomb.”
Jana laughed, smacking the table, her eyes wide with shock. “Did you just say ‘da bomb’?”
“I did.”
“The nineties called, they want their slang back.”
Teddy rolled her eyes. “It’s called retro, bitch. I’m about to be a mom, I’m embracing old school.”
I laughed at their banter. It was sharp and sarcastic, but it was filled with a deep affection that resonated with every word. I listened for a long time as Jana talked about their honeymoon, they talked about pregnancy symptoms, too much in my opinion, but the salad starters were delicious.
“And what about you and Savior?” Jana asked. “What’s going on there?”
“Not a damn thing,” I told them honestly. “I haven’t seen him since he dropped me off after the wedding.”
That didn’t disappoint me, but it also didn’t surprise me either.
“How can that be?” Teddy sat up, full of outrage on my behalf. “I saw you two sneak off, probably to the same supply closet I dragged Tate to later. Much later.”
“You did. We did. And it was hot, really fucking hot.”
But it had also been incredibly intense, so hot and intense, so something I couldn’t name but I felt it down to my soul. It was too much, and it shook Savior even more. He’d pretty much shut down after that. Except when he reached for me in the night. Twice.
“But?” Jana was impatient, stabbing at her salad with more force than the arugula required.
“But what?”
I didn’t know what to say. That wasn’t true. I wasn’t sure how to say it to them. I kept my own secrets. I was my own advisor. But looking around the table, I knew if I wanted this friendship, I had to start somewhere.
“It’s easier if we don’t have to guess,” Teddy offered with no sympathy.
“Teddy,” Jana admonished her with a frown, still stabbing hungrily at her salad.
Teddy raised her shoulders as if she shouldn’t have to explain. “I’m just saying. This is what we do, talk. So, open up.”
She was right. So, painful as it was, I dipped my toe into this river called friendship and began. “It was intense, too intense. For both of us. Afterwards things got weird.” A small sigh escaped, as though I was breathless from sharing. The wading had turned into a deep dive into my emotions.
Two heads shook in unison. “Men,” Jana said, that one word dripping with disgust.
“Idiots,” Teddy added, equally upset. On my behalf.
“Thanks girls, but really, it’s not a big deal. I wasn’t expecting anything.”
“Yeah, well maybe you should.” Teddy stared at me, her gaze serious.
“Oh please!” Jana doubled over the table with laughter, pushing aside her now empty salad bowl. “Teddy likes to forget that she was all fuck ’em and dump ’em before Tate. Hell, even he was just some quick, convenient booty. Before they fell in loo-oove,” she sang, ending the note with a gag.
“How am I friends with such a bitch?” Teddy pondered out loud.
I laughed again. “You’re both nuts, that’s what I’ve learned today.”
“And that men — our men — would rather face bullets than emotions,” Jana added with authority.
“Your men,” I corrected. “I don’t have a man.” The server arrived with our burgers, cleared the salad plates and we all dug in, eating quietly for a few minutes. Well, I kept plowing through my slider sampler while they paused politely. To grill me.